red as fire, green as emeralds
by siri holm
Summary: This is a James-Lilly love-hate story. I'm not sure where this is going it's kind of writing it self. Lilly hates James or at least she think so. They have been fighting since 1 grade now something has changed for James but has it for Lilly? Please R
1. Love, lies and fire

**1. Love, lies and fire**

"JAMES! Get your hands of me!" Lily twisted out of the black haired boy's arms. They had been at Hogwarts for 3 months of their 6th year, and it hadn't been a day without James hugging and trying to kiss her.

"Give me a chance Lill, why are you always pushing me away?" James looked at Lily as she hid behind their common friend Remus.

"You know I've got a boyfriend, someone I'm very fond of."

"I have a girlfriend too, but I like you more." Remus wasn't a good shield against James, who was stronger and taller then Remus. But it didn't look like James would go after her again.

"You have a new girl every week, I don't care how much you like your girlfriends but I like Tom a lot. So leave me alone. We have been arguing, fighting and disagreeing since we met 6 years ago, can't we just keep it that way?" He looked in to the fiery eyes of the angry redhead hiding behind Remus.

"What do you see in that Ravenclaw-guy anyway, he can't even fly, not as good as me anyway."

"Maybe flying isn't everything Mr. I'm-the-best-seeker-in-the-whole-damned-world-and-don't-forget-I'm-a-prefect." Lily snarled. If she got any angrier now it was James Remus had to protect.

"I like redheads, they have a nasty temper and that makes them rely fiery." James grinned at her.

"Relax Lily, breathe; no good will come out of hitting him," Remus said, he could see she was mad.

"Hi Lill, you win anyway, Tom is probably waiting and James has to find his stupid bimbo of a girlfriend to get comfort. But he doesn't have you, so you won." The blond girl sitting in the chair closest to them finally put down her book on quidditch to stop them before it got out of hand, the blond girl was Nagini, Lily's best friend and the Gryffindor keeper.

"You are right, he's probably waiting, see you later," Lily said as she regained her self-control.

"Yes, you'll definitely see me later," James said looking at her with his brown puppy dog eyes.

"I wasn't talking to you," She snapped before she left the common room.

"Why is she doing this to me?" James asked as he sat down in the chair next to Nagini.

"She's? She's doing this to you? She isn't doing anything to you. You're the only one doing anything. She's trying to have a normal relationship with Tom. Face it Potter, she just doesnt like you." James took the book out of her hands.

"You fixed her up with this Tom-guy, why didn't you just fix her up with me instead?" Nagini was trying to get her book back, but James wouldn't let her have it.

"Easy, you always argue, don't have anything in common and you would find a new girl the next day. I don't fix my friends up to get hurt. Can I have my book back now?"

"No." James said firmly.

"Come on James, don't you have a girl to kiss or something." Nagini tried in vain to get her book back.

"No, she just left. Can we play chess?"

"No, I want to read. Can't I just fix you up with someone to play chess with?"

"Ok, fix me up with someone to play with, and you'll get your book back."

"And you'll leave me alone?" Nagini send him a pleading look.

"Of course." James agreed.

"Remus, please play with this sweet talking, two-timing, bragging, stupid, dirt bag so I'll have my book back and no girls get their hart broken before practice tonight, please." One look into her blue eyes and Remus would do anything she asked him to.

"Sure, if he doesn't have anything better to do."

"No, lets play." James gave Nagini her book back.

h*-*-*-*-*h

Lily was still furious as she walked down the corridors towards the library to meet Tom. Why did James do this to her? She must admit he looked great, but he wasn't her type, and she was definitely not his type. Lily liked to have some safety around her, not jump in and out of relationships without feelings. So James would be the last one on her list. Anyway Tom was really sweet and nice. Lily wouldn't say she loved him; love is to big a word for a 16-year-old girl, or boy, to chew on. But she liked him a lot, they had been dating since Easter and everything was going just fine.

Someone was standing outside the library; Lily could see him from the distance. Tall, dark blond hear, it was Tom all right, grey eyes and the sweetest smile. "Hi sweetie." He said and kissed her gently.

"Hi, sorry I'm late."

"Doesn't matter, you're here now. I knew you'd be late, you've been late every time we have a date, or like now studding, this hole year." He was irritated, Lily could see it. Potter, it was Potter's fault every time.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's not my fault, some things always gets in the way." This would be a bad time to tell Tom it was Potter's fault she was late.

"Does your reason have a name?" Lily looked up at him.

"What?" Tom smiled.

"I mean; is there anybody special that keeps you from meeting me?" Lily shook he head and smiled.

"No... no of course not, just things popping up." Lily hated to lie, especially to Tom. But telling your boyfriend that one of the school's Casanovas kept her from going on her dates wasn't a good ide.

"Good. Are we going to get some studying done or what?" Tom looked impatient at her.

"Yes, lets get to work." Tom kissed her cheek and wrapped his arm around her.

"Can you help me with my charms essay, you're so much better at charms than me."

"I can help you, but I'm not going to tell you what to write again." Lily whispered as they entered the library. She already had top grades in all classes except transfiguration so there was nothing Tom could help her with.

"That's ok, I have already started."

"Great, then maybe I'll get started on my DADA-essay." She didn't intend it but there was a touch of sarcasms in her voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing sweetheart, nothing." She kissed him. They sat down in the back of the library.

James stood outside the library watching Lily. The sun played in her long, silky, red hair. She bit her cherry red lip, stroking her white quill against her slightly freckled cheek. Every time she looked over at Tom's paper James could see her green eyes sparkling. James hoped he'd never get closer to risking his life then right now. He knew that just by talking to her he would make that beautiful smile on her lips disappear, but he had to talk to her.

As he walked through the room the groups of girls whispered, sent him winks and waves. Please talk to me Lily, please talk to me, James thought when he stopped next to Lily and Tom's table. "Hi Lill." James voice was low and careful

"Hi James, I'm not talking to you." Lily was still looking down in the book in front of her.

"I come in peace. James raised his hands. Remus asked me, if I could ask you; do you need any help with you're transfiguration?" James couldn't avoid seeing Toms look, the lay-off-my-girl-or-I-will-kill-you-look.

"You're right, I need some serious help, but I'll just get Remus to help me. James, we aren't friends, I don't want to talk to you." Lily looked up at James and into his brown sad eyes.

"Ok, but if you need any help, I'd bee glad to help." James' eyes fell to what was supposed to bee Lily's DADA essay, 3 lines, 3 bloody lines. He had been watching them for some time and she had written 3 lines.

"I'll help her," Tom said mostly to defend Lily from James.

"That isn't much help." Tom couldn't hear what James said, but Lily could.

"You don't have to, Remus will help me. Go away James." Lily smiled, hoping hed actually leave.

"Ok, I just have one question; have you done anything but those 3 lines while you two have been here?" Lily looked down on her essay; How does Dementors influence humans? Lilys smile faded.

"No, I haven't. Just go away James, please."

"I'll go, you found a good subject. You're a smart girl Lill, make some smart choices." To Lily's relief James left the library.

"Is he your reason?" Tom looked into her eyes.

"My what?"

"Your reason, why you're always late?"

"No, no, of course not. We aren't even friends. I'll have to find some books on dementors." Lily started to search the shelves for suitable books.

Lying two times in one day to your boyfriend isn't a good thing to do. A relationship should be based on trust. But if he didn't trust her with James now, what would he do if he knew the truth? Some things are better kept a secret. The worst thing was really that James tried to be nice and sweet, some times, and he did a really good job. Lily hated to push him away when he was like that, but what could she do? Suddenly Lily felt a pair of arms around her waist and heard a low familiar voice.

"You missed this one," he said, holding a book in his hand.

"James stop it, get your hands off me." She whispered. He didn't let her go; instead he kissed her bare neck. His touch made her tremble. To Lily this was a new feeling. His lips barely touching her, gently caressing her skin, but still making every nerve he touched send shivers down her spine. Her brain told her to stop him, but something else inside somewhere told her to let him continue. And right now that something else was winning the battle of her mind.

"Sorry, I just couldn't resist." He let her go. That something that had allowed him to continue wanted her to say don't stop, but her brain regained control and she said:

"What do you think you're doing? My boyfriend's sitting..." James interrupted her.

"Your boyfriend is 4 shelves away, anyway I just wanted to give you this. It's an interesting book, especially for your essay."

"A psychological study of Azkabans prisoners and their crimes. Youve read this?" Lily looked surprised at James.

Yes, it's mostly about how prisoners that committed different types of crime react."

"Thanks!"

"Take good care of it, it's mine, they don't have it in the library. And Lill, I meant what I said about transfiguration. Just ask, ok?"

"Ok, I'll have to get back to Tom. And James, don't ever do anything like what you just did again." James turned smiling and left her alone between the bookshelves again.

A/N: More to come, just have to write it first. Please review. Many thanks to them stands out my writhing day and night, especially to Lasse for reading and correcting my stories.


	2. Does she hate me?

2. Does she hate me?  
  
A/N: a million thanks to those ho have read and reviewed my story. And to the people standing out whit me, I'm not easy living whit I know.  
  
  
"You're messing with her mind!" Sirius flew up next to James  
"She doesn't seem confused to me, I think she knows exactly what she wants. But I'm going to change her mind."  
"James, listen, you got loads of girls dreaming about you, why, why do you go after the only girl that practically hates you." James stopped in mid air.  
"She doesn't hate me"  
"She slaps you, yells at you, pushes you away, she hates you, ok?"  
"No, I don't think she hates me."  
"Anyway, after a month, tops, you'd bee looking for a new girl. Let Lilly go."  
"No! She's different, she's ..."  
"Hi guys, come down here." Nagini and the rest of the team were standing on the ground.  
"Coming." James dived down and Sirius followed.  
"What were you talking about?" Nagini tossed her long blond hear, and looked at James who looked rather unsatisfied.  
"I'm trying to explain to James that Lilly hates him." Sirius' sharp black eyes watched James as he kicked the ground.   
"Just give it up Black, at some point he'll understand, or Lilly will hurt him so badly he'll be stuck in the hospital wing for a long time." Nagini grinned.  
"Listen, James, she doesn't let you hug her, she barely lets you touch her." James shook his head as he talked.   
"Ok, ok, can't we joust keep on playing quidditch, and stop talking about Lilly. James' ears had turned terribly red.   
"Ok, I think our friend here got our point, let's play." Nagini kicked of from the ground with the quaffle.   
'Ok, I've liked Lilly since exams last year, why do every one try to talk me out of it now?' James thought as his eyes searched for the snitch.  
  
***  
  
The common room was almost completely dark. James didn't know why, but he didn't want to go up to the dorm. It was long passed bedtime so he was alone in the dark room.   
Suddenly he heard the portrait slid open and light footsteps on the floor. When he turned to see who it was, he saw Lilly. Her eyes were all red and puffy, and in the moment Lilly saw James she started to wipe her eyes and cheeks. She had been crying. James had newer seen her crying but he was sure that was what she'd been doing.   
"Lilly what's wrong?" James got to his feet; looking at her, she stopped for a moment.   
"Nothing, I'm going to bed." James stopped her.   
"No, you're not, not before you tell me what's wrong." James grabbed hold of her; there was no way she could get out of his grip this time.  
"It's nothing, let me go." She twisted in his grip.   
"If it's nothing how come you have been crying?" James looked at her with warm brown eyes.  
"I haven't been crying" Lilly looked down.   
"Hi, Lilly, love, I can se something's wrong, tell me."  
"It's nothing, can't you hear me? It's nothing, I don't know why it makes me cry, it shouldn't." Lilly's head fell against James' chest, she started to cry silently. James wrapped his arms softly around her and pulled her closer.   
"It's ok Lilly, just cry, it's ok to cry, it's ok." He kissed the top of her head. Lilly felt safe, as if James' arms would protect her from every danger in the world. His hands were gently stroking her back holding her close, whispering over and over again that it was ok; everything was going to be fine.  
A voice in James' head told him to hold on to her and never let her go. It was impossible that he had all these feelings holding her, and she had none. Maybe she felt only hate towards him, but then again no. She'd newer let him hold her like that if she hated him.   
"I'm sorry." Lilly had regained her self-control and just rested her head against James' chest.   
"You don't have anything to be sorry for. Do you want me to let you go?"  
"No, I don't."  
"Lill, can I ask you something?"   
"Sure."  
"Do you hate me? If you do I'll leave you alone from now on." Lilly lifted her head and looked up in to his brown soft eyes. James thought her eyes looked like two emeralds. It would be so easy to say she hated him, and he'd leave her alone.   
"I don't hate you, we just don't get along very well and I hate the way you treat girls. We aren't something you can throw away when you are tired of us." James kissed her forehead. She put her head back on his chest again.  
"Maybe I'm just searching for the right one. And any way it isn't my fault girls throw themselves at me." James felt Lilly's arms around him. She wanted him to hold her, and don't let go. He kissed her on the top of the head. Her hair smelled so sweet, he ran his fingers through her hair. God how he loved that hair.   
'What is happening to me?' Lilly thought to herself, 'Why does this feel so good, nothing about James should feel so good. What is he doing to me, this is so wrong?'  
"This is wrong." She said out loud. She let go of him, but still leaned her head against him. Not wanting him to let go of her.  
"Is it? Does it feel wrong when I hold you like this, or is it just your sense of moral?" Lilly took two steps backwards; he didn't try to hold her back.   
"Maybe it's my sense of moral, maybe it's a feeling, I don't know. I just think it's wrong. Lilly was trying to convince herself, and defend what she thought but definitely didn't feel. The room was quite chilly, she felt it now, out of James' arms an on her own again.   
"I don't think so, I don't think you think so."  
"I don't hate you, and I don't want you off the face of the earth. But if you stayed away, my life would be a lot easier," Lilly said knowing James was right; she didn't think it was wrong.  
"Good night. Sweet dreams." James said softly and kissed her gently. He wasn't giving up that easy   
"Good night." Lilly stuttered. She so much wanted to kill him. Right now she wanted him off the face of the earth. She didn't move, nor did James. He just looked at her.  
"Is anything wrong, Lill?"  
"No, nothing at all, thanks and..." Lilly stopped and kissed him on the cheek before she slapped him.  
"What was that for?"   
"For the pain and worries you are giving me, for the first time since I was a child I cry on someone's shoulder, and it had to be your shoulder, God I hate this. You're distorting my life, I hope you get nightmares." Lilly started to think clearly again.  
"Sorry, but why did you thank me?"   
"For being there for me." Lilly turned on her heel and waked up to the dorm.   
"Your welcome." James said, knowing Lilly couldn't hear him.   
Ok, so he had stepped over the line, but he didn't have a 100% control when he was with Lilly. As long as she didn't hate him there had to be a possibility that she could fall in love with him. And if not, he was going to drive her out of her mind; at least he had her attention then. Lilly was the funniest person in the world to tease; she'd get so furious. And every time he managed to tip her over a fire was lit in her green eyes, her cheeks turned as red as her hair and she still was the most beautiful girl he knew. His girlfriend at the moment wasn't too bad though. Nothing compared with Lilly, but then in James eyes nobody was. Brown curly hair, black eyes, and she wasn't too bad a kisser either. James' girlfriend was a Ravenclaw who would turn 16 in December, a winter child. Lilly on the other was an early summer child; James himself was born in May. Lilly didn't handle winters very well; she got annoyed and pretty annoying. James couldn't wait, Tom was in for quite a challenge, and Tom doesn't know what he's getting himself into. James grinned; he was going to get her.   
  
***  
  
Lilly was in a lousy mood. She couldn't get James out of her head. It wasn't as much James as the feeling he gave her she couldn't get rid of.   
Lilly had already snapped at Maria, ho tried to wake her, and Peter, she had told him quite clear that this was not a "Good Morning", and it was only breakfast.  
"Morning Lilly." Remus' soft voice was gentle in her ears.  
"Hi, I'm in a bad mood, be careful please." Remus sat down next to her.   
"I know, Peter told me." He smiled and brushed a bit of hair away from her face.  
"I have to tell him I'm sorry... later." She said looking down on the half eaten piece of toast on her plate.  
"James told me you don't want him to help you with your transfiguration. I'm sorry, it was my, idea but I should have known, with the way you're against each other and all."  
"It's not your fault, James should have known better. It's his fault, everything is his fault." Lilly yawned, going back to bed felt like a good idea, but then again maybe not.   
"He really likes you." Remus said.   
"Don't start. What's the next lesson? Arithmancy?"   
"Yes, and we got a ton of homework last time, I've barely done half of it."  
"You can look at my answers, if you wake me up if he asks me anything. A whole class without James, I'm going to enjoy this."   
"I don't have anything against James, he's an ok guy."  
"Of course you don't, you're a gay. He hasn't done anything to you. 15 minutes to class. Next lesson will be hell."  
"Oh?"  
"Yes, James, Slytherin, potions and Snape."  
"Hopefully professor Hasel has forgotten what you did last time." Remus started to laugh.  
"Hi, I didn't mean to curse Snape, it just happened." She looked firmly at Remus before she started to laugh herself.   
"And with that brilliant excuse you lost 10 points, if it had been James or Black they would have lost a 100." Lilly looked up at her friend, he looked pale and tired. They had been friends always, the kind of friends people mistake for sweethearts, but they never planned that to happen.   
"They could only try and I'd kill them. We need that housecup. Should we get going?" Lilly got to her feet.   
"Yes, no use in sitting here" Remus put his arm around her. She could trust him with her life, and right now the only one she could trust with her life. The fact of trusting her life to a werewolf didn't sound like a good idea to normal people, but to Lilly it didn't matter. Unconditional love and trust made their friendship unbreakable.  
  
***   
  
"I'm in love." Lilly looked up at the brown-haired Ravenclaw girl sitting on the other side of the table.  
"Again Alex?" Lilly said, putting a pencil in her hair to keep it out of her face.   
"It's different this time, I got myself a boyfriend." Alex said, sending Lilly a grim look. They were sitting I the library. 5 girls; 2 from Gryffindor and 3 from Ravenclaw, they used to study while the Gryffindor team practised.   
"You're making progress, good."  
"Don't be like that Lilly, keep your bad mood to yourself. And let Alex enjoy her Love." Lilly's roommate, Jill, said.   
"Yeah, why are you in such a bad mood anyway?" the Ravenclaw girls looked curiously at her.   
"No reason." Only the Gryffindors knew why she was in such a lousy mood, or they thought they did. It was because of James, but not the way they thought. She couldn't get him out of her head. The warmth of his embrace, feeling his fingers running trough her hair, the safety she felt in his arms, and even though his lips only had touched hers for a second, she couldn't get rid of the feeling.   
"We should double date some time Lilly, this weekend maybe?"  
"Sure," Lilly said out in the air.  
"Saturday night, I'll talk to Tom."  
"Yes, do that." Lilly was trying to focus on her Arithmancy.   
"Hello, Ladies!" James' low voice sent shivers trough her body. He was probably standing right behind her.  
"Hi James." The girls answered smiling, but not Lilly, she was trying to forget he even existed.  
"Hi Lilly." His voice turned in to a whisper as his fingers stroked over her bare neck.  
"I'm not talking to you," she said staring down in her book.  
"Lilly and I just arranged a double date." James who obviously wasn't listening interrupted Alex' story.  
"That's ok, it wasn't you I came to talk to anyway. I came to talk with my girlfriend. Hi Alex." Alex smiled foolishly at him. Lilly jumped to her feet.   
"WHAT? HOW DARE YOU?" Lilly slammed her fist in his chest. James lost his breath for a moment.  
"You guys, what are you..." It didn't seem anyone wanted to listen to Alex.  
"I THOUGHT THERE WAS ENOUGH AIRHEAD BIMBOS AT THIS SCHOOL TO LAST YOU 7 YEARS." Lilly's face started to get the same colour as her hair. 'This isn't fair' James thought.   
"I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T CARE WHAT I DID WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS, OR HOW MUCH I CARED ABOUT THEM!"   
"THAT WAS BEFORE YOUR GIRLFRIEND BECAME MY FRIEND!" James started to get some of the same colour as his Quidditch robes.  
"Mr Potter, miss Evens, get out of here both of you, this is a library." The librarian looked firmly at them. Lilly grabbed her books and left with James right behind her. They had just closed the door behind them before they started again.  
"SO YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN ME, BUT I'LL HAVE TO STAY AWAY FROM YOUR FRIENDS! They could hear them clearly in the library.  
"YES, I DON'T WANT MY FRIENDS GETTING HURT, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE USING YOUR SPARE TIME CHASING AFTER ME!" James walked 2 steps closer to her, almost touching her and said with a low voice.  
"And you know there is only one way for you to stop my chasing you, give up Tom and give me a chance." Their eyes met, Lilly couldn't tear her self away from the two brown Bambi eyes. When she finally could she did something he didn't expect. She hit him in the chest, so hard he lost his balance and fell.  
"Stay away Potter, I wish I hated you," Lilly said pointing her wand at him.  
"What's going on here miss Evens?" She could hear professor McGonagall's sharp voice behind her.   
"Nothing professor." Lilly pulled her wand away.  
"Is this true Mr. Potter?" McGonagall looked at James lying on the floor in front of Lilly.   
"Lilly is right, as always, nothing's wrong here." James was still looking at the furious Lilly over him. When the library door opened and the rest of the girls who had been studying with Lilly came out, Alex ran over to James and sat down next to him.   
"What happened?" Alex asked looking up at Lilly.  
"Nothing, I fell." James said and got to his feet. He looked at Lilly. She was biting her lip, and she had to be biting hard, because when she let go James could se a drop of blood, but she didn't seam to mind.   
"I'll be somewhere," Lilly said, walking away from the group of people.   
  
  
A/N: hope you liked this, please, please, pretty please review. More to come soon I hope but school's started again and that takes a lot of work, new school and stuff.   
By the way; professor Hasel, my English teacher's name is Hasel. I don't have anything against him, I think he is a great teacher (for now at least, maybe I change my mind when we get our first written work back), it's just the perfect name for the Potions professor. 


	3. A bleeding lip

3. A bleeding lip.   
  
A/N: many thanks to those ho have read and reviewed my story.  
  
Remus was sitting in Lilly's bed. Watching the redhead in the other end of the bed. He was patient, he had to be or else he'd given up on Lilly, trying to tell about her problem, a long time ago. She kept chasing her mind about how to tell it, or if she was going to tell it at all. She had stopped in the middle of sentences so many times Remus started to get the picture.   
"Ok, Lilly, after last night the thought of James is driving you crazy. But I don't know what happened last night."  
"You know, Remus, I think James is just after a challenge and that's probably all I am, a challenge."   
"I think you're wrong, I think there are genuine feelings for you in James' heart, but what happened last night?" Lilly looked up at him and started to explain. When she finished Remus was smiling.   
"James doesn't like his girlfriends crying on his shoulder," Remus said calmly.  
"It'll be a full moon soon, isn't it?" Lilly changed the subject.  
"Yes, it is, but how come every time I say anything in James' favour you change the subject. You don't want to like him, even if you knew he was the one you were destined to share the rest of your life with you'd ignore it."   
"What do you want me to do? Talk about James as my knight in shining armour?"  
"I don't want you to do anything. Take a chance and most importantly stay true to your self."  
"You're the right person to talk about taking chances, I can't see you running after Nagini." Lilly threw one of her pillows at him.   
"It's not that easy for me, I have this thing once a month."  
"So do I, but you don't see me hiding in my dorm." Lilly started to laugh, and soon got a pillow to the head.   
"You're hopeless; you know what I mean."  
"I know, I know."   
"How did you know about Nagini, I've never told you."  
"I'm not stupid, I know you, and I can see it. Anyone can see you fancy Nagini."  
"I can't be that bad, I thought I was pretty good at hiding things."   
"No, but disappearing a night every month is easier than explaining why you do every thing Nagini asks of you. I don't know if people can see it, but I can. There is nothing, at least almost nothing, you can hide from me." Lilly grinned, collecting her hair and pinned it to the back of her head with a big hairpin.  
"I have one big secret, you know. James, Sirius and Peter know my big secret, but they don't know that you know."  
"I know they don't know that I know." Lilly stopped for a moment before bursting out in laughter.  
"Lilly, I think you are a challenge to more people then just James, you're a challenge to anyone you meet."  
"You're mean." Lilly looked like a spoiled child not getting it's way, for maybe 10 seconds before going back to laughing.   
"I'm mean and you're hopeless, what a couple we could have been."  
"Now you're just scaring me."  
"I know, stick to James."  
"Tom, I'm going to stick to Tom."  
"James or Tom, your choice. I don't really like Tom though. I don't really like any of the Ravenclaws."  
"That's because many of them are better than you."  
"Hi, Tom isn't better than me at anything. Anyway you are better than me at many things, so is James, but I like you both.   
"I know you're better than Tom in everything, as far as I know at least. What does that thing on your wrist tell you?" Lilly nodded towards Remus' watch.   
"It's a quarter past six"  
"Oh, is it that much all ready. I'm going to meet Tom in the grounds in 15 minutes. And James is not going to stop me this time."   
"One date you're not going to be late for?"  
"Yes, you know, Tom actually thinks I'm cheating on him, crazy if you asked me."   
"Bring a cloak Lilly, it's cold outside."   
"Yes, mum!" Lilly grinned at Remus as she grabbed her cloak and ran down the stairs.   
  
***  
  
James and Sirius were sitting by the lake, trying to overcome their strong desire to put their schoolbooks on fire.   
How can Hasel give us so much homework? We didn't blow up anything today," James said, measuring his potions essay. 2 inches too short, how was it possible to write 15 inches about a plant? Maybe if he wrote bigger.   
"I whish we had blown up something. That lesson was boring, even Wormtail got it right, most of the time we can at least count on his caldron blowing up and flying through the classroom, but not today, just boring, boring, boring.  
"Maybe we'll put something in Snape's caldron, have you noticed how mean Snape is to Lilly?"  
"You would to if she'd cursed you, no that's right you wouldn't. She could put an Unforgivable Curses on you and you'll still treat her like a prince. Anyway, putting something in Snape's caldron doesn't seem like a bad idea." James threw a rock in to the lake.   
"Lilly is a princes, an angel." James had a dreamy look.  
"Yeah, yeah. I thinks she's a devil in disguise, here she comes anyway with her boyfriend"  
"Maybe we should do something to him, what can we do with him?"   
"To bad we don't have potions with the Ravenclaws, then we really could have some fun with him. We can't have much fun in Herbology, History of Magic or Transfiguration. By the way, you haven't written in the black book about Alex."  
"I will, later. It's not much to write. I want to write about Lilly."  
"Forget it, Prongs, if she becomes your girlfriend you can write about Lilly. Maybe we should ask Tom to write about Lilly." Sirius grinned.   
"Over my dead body, Padfoot. Do you think I can hit Tom with this stone?" James held up a small white stone.   
"With magic, yes. If you hurry up you'll get him before they stop kissing." James tapped the stone with his wand and threw it against Tom.   
I really like that about you, Padfoot, you do know how to have fun," James said trying not to laugh as he looked at Tom, who was probably apologising to Lilly for, if James wasn't mistaking, biting her lip.   
  
***   
  
"I'm sorry Lilly, something hit me." Lilly's lip was bleeding; again, Tom had opened the wound in her lip, again.   
"An idea?" Lilly didn't like the taste of blood.  
"No, something hard, silly." Lilly's eyes looked past Tom and saw Sirius and James. Her stomach made a flip-flop, she wished it would stop.  
"Black and Potter, it has to be them." Lilly said.  
"What is it with you and those guys? Let's go over and talk to them." Tom took her hand and dragged her over towards the lake.   
"Look isn't it the turtledoves?" James said as Lilly stopped next to him.   
"We were just talking about you. Lilly how come your lip is breading, don't tell me he's that bad a kisser. I have kissed many girls but never bit anyone." Sirius was struggling not to laugh as he looked up at Tom and said, "I didn't know Lilly liked it like that."   
"Shut up Sirius." Lilly said quickly.  
"You know this is your fault," Tom said flaming.   
"And Lill, darling, what do you want me to do? Kiss it better?" James looked at her, and just for a second she was tempted to say yes. When their eyes met Lilly could feel the temperature rising. She looked down.  
"No, of course not, what do you think of me, James?"  
"I don't know what you're thinking, Potter, but stay away from my Lilly..."  
"Shut up mister, our Miss Evens is capable of taking care of herself, so don't come here threatening us." Sirius didn't like to be threatened. Anyway Lilly was a big girl, she didn't need a babysitter.   
"I wasn't talking to you, Black," he said angrily.  
"Come on Tom, let's go somewere else." Lilly dragged Tom towards the castle again, he didn't seem too happy.  
"I'm going to follow them," James said, starting to pack his books.  
"They'll see you."   
"I have the cloak." James said smiling.   
"I'll bring up your books, just follow them." Sirius said as James disappeared under the Invisibility Cloak.  
"Thanks mate." James ran after them, stopping to get control over his breath before he walked over, standing just a foot from Lilly trying to bread silently.  
"You shouldn't been yelling at them like that, you don't want to get on the wrong side of them. Why did you do that? Black is right, I'm a big girl I can take care of my self."  
"Why are you defending them?"   
"I'm not defending them, I'm defending me. I don't need anyone protecting me." Lilly said as they walked into the castle.  
"You don't have to take this from them, you're my..." Lilly interrupted him.  
"No I'm not yours, I'm my one." Tom stopped her and pulled her close.   
"I didn't mean it like that, you know what I mean." He kissed her gently. James wanted to do something, anything, kick Tom, and make them stop.   
"I know. It's just that James and I've always been fighting, I'm used to that. He knows how to make me angry, but not enough to kill him. Sirius and I - well, fighting with James kind of means teasing and having small fights with Sirius, just for fun. It's two sick relationships, I know, but anyone interfering won't help." She didn't need anyone messing with her relationship with James; she was capable of doing that herself. When she came to think of it the entire thing was a mess.  
Maybe you and James should stop fighting. Work things out..."   
"Well, well, well, isn't it Evens and her boyfriend." Snape came up from the dungeon. He almost walked right into James.  
"Shut up Snape, leave us alone." Lilly sneered.   
"Mudblood and a mudblood lover." Snape smiled, looking at them with his mean black eyes. James pulled off the Invisibility Cloak, hoping nobody saw him appearing in mid air.   
"How dare you call her that? She's just as magical as you if not more." James was standing right behind him.  
"Shut up James, you're just making things worse." Lilly said.  
I didn't think you could sink so deep, Potter, you're a real wizard, I can't see what you're doing going after this mud trash."  
"This is a good one Evens, your boyfriend won't defend you so your lover has to. I can see why he doesn't want to defend you; you're just mud on his shoes."  
"Shut up Snape." Lilly drew her wand. Snape wasn't slow either. And a moment later both had shouted their charms, but something went wrong, as if the sparkles shooting from their wands met in mid air and changed directions. They backfired and headed towards the one casting them. James had drawn his wand too, but in the moment he saw Lilly's body falling to the ground he barely remembered why.   
  
  
A/N: ok, what do you think? I want to know so please review. I'm working on finding out what's happening. More to come, as soon as I'm finished writing it. 


	4. A guilty conscience

A guilty conscience  
  
James couldn't care less about Snape's nose growing to double size. Lilly's head was resting in his hand. It looked like she was in a deep sleep. Tom was frozen, not knowing what to do, just looking from Lilly to Snape.   
"Snape, you'll stay here," James snarled. "Tom, get a teacher."  
"Yes," Tom said and walked of.   
"Come on Lill, please wake up." James pulled off his cloak and put it under her head. "Come on Lill." He held her hand and shook her gently hoping she would snap out of it.   
It felt like ages before McGonagall came down the stairs. With just one look she said "Mr. Snape, go to the hospital wing, I'll take care of you later. What's happened to miss Evens, Mr. Potter?"   
"I don't really know professor, I don't know what spell, all I know is she won't wake up," James said, with his eyes fixed on Lilly. Her skin had turned paler, almost milky white, even her freckles were almost gone.   
"Let's get her to the hospital wing, I'm sure she'll be fine," McGonagall said comforting.  
  
***  
  
"Miranda, I don't know what's with her, she seems to be alright but..."   
"She's unconscious?" McGonagall looked from Lilly to miss Jones. They had to be the same age, James thought as he watched them from a corner of the room under the Invisibility Cloak.  
"Yes, overgrown noses, broken bones and things like that I can handle but this is a bit over the top. I came here to get away from the war going on."   
"Relax Franny, we'll find a way. I'm going to find out which books she's read with spells like that. Maybe, if we're lucky she'll wake up tomorrow morning."   
"If we are lucky. I think the spell is weaker than what we are seeing here."   
"I think you're right, I don't think she wanted Snape like that," McGonagall nodded towards Lilly.  
"You should have seen Snape's nose, it was still growing when he came here." Miss Jones started to giggle.  
"Stop it Fanny, this is serious. I know you don't like Slytherins but we are out of school now, we should try to stay neutral."   
Yeah, you neutral, miss competitive!"  
"Shut up Franny, you try to find out what's wrong with her, I'll talk to Potter and Miel if I can find them." McGonagall opened the door and, she didn't know it, but she let James out.   
"Miranda" McGonagall stopped and looked back in to the room. James looked around the empty hallway, Tom was gone, and James pulled off the Invisibility Cloak.  
"Yes?"   
"There is a book in the library; 'Spells For Every Use'," the two women looked at each other.  
"I bet you know." She turned and walked out. "Mr. Potter, were is Mr. Miel?"  
"I don't, and I don't care! How is Lilly?"   
"No change for now, but I think she'll be fine."   
"So do I, she wouldn't do anything uncorrectable even if he called her mud trash." James looked down.  
"I'm sure she wouldn't, no matter what he called her. You should get back to the common room."   
"Yeah, it's getting late. She'll be fine." James said, more to himself than to McGonagall.  
"Good night, James."   
"Good night professor." James walked toward the Gryffindor common room. Lilly was going to be fine; she just had to. He should have done something, anything.   
James walked trough the common room, not noticing Peter trying to catch his attention, continued up to the dorm and fell into his bed.   
"Snape is going to pay for this, if he ever calls her mud blood or mud trash I'll kill him."  
  
***   
  
James had been staring at Lilly's empty seat all through the History of Magic class. The class was as normal as the sun rising in the morning, but normally Lilly would be there.  
The sound of the school bell awoke him, last lesson of the day; last lesson of the week finally. Outside it started to get really cold, no way they could go outside to do homework anymore. They had used the Herbology lesson to make sure all the plants were warm enough. Tom sent James an angry glare as he exited the classroom.   
"Hi James!" Alex stood in front of him, smiling.  
"Hi baby." He looked drowsily back at her.   
"Yesterday, you and Lilly, what was that all about?"   
"At the library you mean?"  
"Yes, was there anywhere else?"   
"No, it was really nothing," James said hoping she wouldn't ask any more questions.  
"What did you mean with: I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T CARE WHAT I DID WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS, OR HOW MUCH I CARED ABOUT THEM?"  
"It was nothing baby, Lilly can get a bit possessive some times, you know what I mean." He kissed her. Alex was like warm wax in his hands, he could make her believe almost anything he wanted her to. But right now he'd rather had Lilly flaming at him for just trying to kiss her.   
"You know," she said when he let her go. "If Lilly comes around before Saturday night we have arranged a date, a double date."   
"She wanted to go on a date with me."  
"She didn't know it was you, but she said yes."  
"Ok, it's Friday today, right?" Alex nodded.  
"I thought you of all people would know, why are you asking?"  
"Just cheeking if it's a full moon." James wouldn't have a date on a full moon, maybe if he finally got a date with Lilly, alone, but only maybe.  
"And was it?"  
"No, when I come to think about it it's a full moon to night."  
"Maybe we could go for a moonlight walk tomorrow." James didn't answer right away. He didn't really like the thought of Lilly and Tom on a moonlight walk.  
"No, I don't think that's a good idea for a double date. I'll think of something, just give me a while and I'll come up with something." He smiled at her.  
  
***  
  
"Ok Nagini, who would you choose, James or Tom? Sirius looked at Nagini sitting in the windowsill with her feet out the open window.  
"Is either an option?"   
"No, you have to have an option."  
"Ok, I can't think of either of them as a boyfriend, but if I had to choose... James. Reason; he's nice, he's good looking and he's one of the few not having a problem with me playing Quidditch," Nagini said, kicking her feet in the stonewall outside.   
"I can't see why anyone should have a problem with you playing Quidditch. Ok, so you are the only girl playing Quidditch at Hogwarts, but you are a great player," Remus said. He knew she worked harder, and was in better shape, than the rest of the team. But she had breasts and therefore felt she had to prove herself.   
"I'm still a girl, and that's all that matters, it kind of scares people."  
"Yeah, you are kind of scary some times." Sirius started to laugh.   
"Stop it Black, you're not funny." Nagini tried to stay serious, but couldn't. The portrait hole swung open and a rather grumpy looking James came in.   
"What's wrong Prongs?" James sank in to one of the armchairs.   
"I've got a date with Lilly." James snarled.  
"And that's bad because...?"   
"It's a double date, me and Alex, Lilly and Tom."  
"Poor thing..." Nagini said sarcastically, "nobody forced you to date Alex."   
"Is everybody after me today? I'm going up to see Lilly."   
"I was just up there, be careful, Tom's up there." Remus said, knowing Tom had been sending James angry looks all day.  
"Miss Jones said there was no change," Nagini started.  
"Maybe something's changed now, what could happen? I'm just going up to see her, not kiss her or anything."   
"Just go and see her, Prongs if it makes you less grumpy. What can Tom do?" Sirius said, hoping being yelled at by Tom would be a good idea, maybe it would make him understand that Lilly was Tom's girl. But Lilly hadn't been as flaming last night as he'd expected, maybe James had a chance, a microscopic chance.  
"I'd be les grumpy if Lilly woke up, or somebody beat up Snape... maybe I should beat up Snape..." James smiled.  
"Tempting, yes, but not smart," Nagini said, she was probably stronger then Snape, and had on more than one occasion almost beaten up Snape her self.   
"I know, McGonagall said that if I put one toe out of line I'd lose my chances of becoming head boy. I'm going to see Lilly now, maybe I'll meet Snape if I'm... unlucky."   
"Leave Snape to Lilly, I bet she'll be coming around soon. And she has an almost clean record." Sirius said.  
"I'm off, I'll say hello to Lilly from you when she wakes up," James said as he walked out of the room.  
"I've newer seen him fall in love like this; he seems serious," Nagini said looking out into the cool night air. The sky had some of the same colour as her eyes.  
"James? Serious? I don't think so, but if he is, nothing wrong if he is, but did he have to be serious about a girl ho hates him?" Sirius looked over at Remus, he was sitting there smiling a great big smile. "Why are you smiling?" Remus looked up; he'd been thinking of what Lilly had told him last night, but he wasn't going to tell.   
"No reason. Nagini, have I told you how beautiful you look?" She turned and looked at him.  
"No, you haven't, ever," she said, her cheeks got a shade of red.   
  
***  
  
Remus had been right; Tom was in the hospital wing. He was sitting by Lilly's bed, reading. Tom hadn't noticed that James had just entered the room. It looked like Lilly was asleep, some of her original colour had returned to her cheeks.   
"What are you doing here?" Tom snarled when James walked over to Lilly's bed.   
"I came to see Lilly," he answered calmly.  
"After what's happened you have the nerve to come here."  
"Why shouldn't I? I haven't done anything wrong."  
"It's your fault she's here in the first place."  
"How is that my fault?" James said as he looked around, making sure they were alone. "I didn't cast the spell." It wasn't like James wanted to see Lilly hurt. He had to concentrate to keep his voice down.  
"No you didn't, but you could just as well have!" Tom sent James a cold look.  
"What do you mean by that?" James said a bit louder than he wanted to. James' fingers stroked the skin of Lilly's forearm, something Tom didn't seem to like.   
"Come on Potter; you must have thought it too, it was your fault that we went back to the castle, therefore it was your fault she met Snape."  
"You can't seriously mean that; if I'm to blame... if you're right it's just as much your fault."  
"Now you're just stupid, how can this be my fault?" Tom wasn't calm anymore.  
"You brought her out there in the first place, and maybe if you cared and trusted her a bit more she hadn't had to drag you into the castle."  
"Are you saying I don't care about Lilly? I care more about her than you have cared about all your girlfriends put together." 'So do I' James thought.   
"... Just forget it, but you can't blame me."  
"Can't I? Why are you here anyway? She practically hates you, she can't stand to look at you, she probably don't want you here." Ok, so Tom was exaggerating, but it worked, James face colour changed. "Get out of here Potter, if you don't want a fight, and don't come back!" James didn't really have anything against fighting with Tom, he'd wanted to hit him for a long time, but it wouldn't be fair to Lilly.   
I don't have any objections against fighting with you, but Lilly probably don't want me to so I won't." James' hand left Lilly's warm soft skin. He smiled, and kept smiling as he left the room.  
  
***  
  
"Think this trough Prongs." Sirius said taking the Marauders Map out of his pocket.  
"Let him do as he pleases, if he wants to prove Tom wrong, let him," Peter said. He was getting kind of tired of Sirius nagging at James.  
"But is it safe, can I handle Moony?" Sirius looked at James.  
"I think you can, so does Moony. I've done it before, you'll be fine." James said trying to find a safe Every Flavour Bean.  
"Ok, Moony is on his place, Miss Jones is on her way back. Hopefully we won't meet anyone."   
"Just keep away from places you might meet people. I'll stay here, you know I wouldn't have any fun tonight." Sirius bumped down on the bed next to James.   
"Don't tell me Tom has given you a guilty conscience, I know he's been telling people it's your fault, but it isn't."  
"No way, he hasn't given me a guilty conscience, it's just I'm not in the mood to have fun."  
"Ok, do as you please."  
"Moony wouldn't go out if he had a choice."  
"No, but they are like brother and sister, they are supposed to be like that..."  
"And I'm not? I know the thought has entered my mind. I'm not changing or anything, I'm just staying in tonight, and anyway Moony sounded relived when I said I'd stay in."  
"Yeah, I know," Sirius said.  
"I told you Tom wasn't going to stop him," Peter said as he put on his cloak.  
"This isn't about Tom..." James started, but stopped when he saw their expressions, "you should get going."  
"Last chance to join us, Prongs." Sirius said.  
"No thank you, I'll stay in."  
"Ok, your loss." Sirius opened the door.  
"I told you, Padfoot, Tom has given him a guilty conscience." Peter said as he left the room.  
"I don't have a guilty conscience..." James said, but didn't get a chance to finish the sentence because they closed the door behind them. "He hasn't given me a guilty conscience, he hasn't!"  
  
A/N: this chapter was hard to writhe, but I did it, and I hope you like it. The next chapter is a lot easier, and I'll have it up as soon as I've finished it.  
Please read and review, reviews really boosts up the writers day, don't they? 


	5. Awaken

Awaken   
  
A/N: a million thanks to those ho have read and reviewed my story.  
  
Lilly's head was pounding; when she opened her eyes everything was a blur. When everything cleared up she could see the full moon outside her window; big, bright and beautiful. She turned her attention to the room itself. It was the hospital wing ok, an empty hospital wing... No, wait a minute; there was something there, a hand, only a hand, holding hers. Lilly squeezed it gently.  
"Who left a hand in mine?" Lilly said, not knowing who or what she was talking to. It felt like she'd been lying there for ages, every muscle she tried to move hurt.  
"Bless you, you are awake." James pushed away the hood of the Invisibility Cloak.   
"James, what are you doing here? Way aren't you out with Remus?" Lilly sat up quickly, too quickly, she felt dizzy.   
"Take it easy Lill. Lie down again."  
"I don't want to lie down." She bent forward and massaged her temples. James pulled off the Invisibility Cloak.  
"You know about Remus being a..."  
"Werewolf? Yes I know, I've known for ages."  
"You really scared me Lilly Evens, don't ever do anything like that again." Lilly had never seen him like this; she wasn't sure how to describe it, he seemed - unsure, relieved, happy and a bit frightened.   
"I'm sorry if I scared you... but you haven't answered my question, what are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." Lilly smiled at him.  
"I'm here because your boyfriend has been sitting here all day making sure I didn't come up to see you. I don't think he was too happy to se Remus either."  
"Why would he do that?" Lilly said looking in to James' brown eyes. "Why didn't he want you up here?" Lilly had to concentrate not to laugh.   
"He said it was my fault you were injured, that you hate me and that you didn't want me here." James looked down, he couldn't look at her, and what if she told him Tom was right.  
"And you believed him," Lilly took his hand. "James, I can't blame you, I can't blame anyone else than Snape and myself. You know I don't hate you, don't you?"  
"I know," James said with a low voice, still looking down. Lilly put her feet on the floor. "What are you doing?" James stared at her.  
"I'm going out, I need some air, and to move around a bit," Lilly said, still holding James' hand.  
"No you're not."  
"Why not Mr. Potter?"  
"Miss Jones hasn't looked at you, you should stay in bed, you'll get caught, and you're not dressed." Lilly looked down at her nightgown and back at James.   
"I'm going out if you like it or not. I'll get dressed, and right now I don't care about Miss Jones, or getting caught." James looked in to her strong green eyes.   
"I care, not about Miss Jones, but about Gryffindor, and about you. If you get caught we lose a lot of points, and you'll get detention for the rest of the year."  
"Lets hope I don't get caught then, you should go back to bed."   
"Oh no, you're not going out alone, forget it! If you're going out I'll go with you and make sure you don't get caught, or anything worse."  
"How do you plan to do that? " Lilly looked curiously at him.   
"I have an Invisibility Cloak. If we stay close it'll cover both of us, at least till we are out of the castle."  
"No James, if I get caught I can blame it on... not knowing what I'm doing or something. But you can't. And I don't think it's a good idea, you and me close together under the cloak."   
"Why not?"   
"You heard what Snape said, he said you were my lover. Tom thinks it but he doesn't say it, everybody think we are lovers... if we get caught..."  
"Lill, am I your lover?" she looked at him, did he have to ask?  
"No," she shook her head.  
"Then what's the problem? Except that your boyfriend doesn't trust you. And we will not get caught. Either you go outside with me, or I'll make sure you stay here."  
"Ok, I don't have a choice, do I?"   
"Of course you have a choice, you can stay here." Lilly stood up, she felt dizzy again. The world was spinning. She lost her balance, but didn't fall; James stopped her. James' arms around her waist, and Lilly's arms around his neck. She didn't know how her arms had ended up there, but they somehow ended up around his neck.   
"Thank you, James." She said.  
"Lill, you can't go outside, you can barely stand upright."  
"I'll be fine, just give me a moment and let me get dressed." Their eyes met, James could see Lilly's strong green eyes pleading him to let her come outside with him.   
"I'm not sure. What if something happens? Lill, you should stay here."  
"I'll be fine, nothing will happen, what could happen when you're there with me?"  
"Don't try to sweet talk me missy. Ok, if you can walk and stand without help we'll go out side." She smiled at him and let him of his neck. James hesitated a moment before his arms left her waist.   
"See, I'm doing fine." She took a step back, walked over to the window and back again.  
"Yeah, you are fine, absolutely beautiful."  
"That wasn't what I meant, but thank you." They stood there a moment before James suddenly started to laugh.  
"What's so funny?" James looked at her, his big brown eyes sparkled, how could she not have fallen inn love with those eyes? Her thought was interrupted by a voice in her head screaming: Tom!  
"You just looked me over, didn't you?"   
"I most certainly did not," she said, sounding a bit like McGonagall. Ok, so she had looked him over. But she wasn't going to admit it; she didn't mean to, it was subconscious.  
"If you say so. You should get dressed." Lilly took her clothes and walked behind a screen. "Do you need any help back there?" Damn it, had he just said that out loud? She would kill him.  
"No thank you, I know how to get dressed."   
"Sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud..."  
"Forget it James, no harm done. At least you asked if I needed help getting dressed," she stepped out from the screen, "not undressed".  
"I should be more careful with what comes out of my mouth."   
"Yeah, a bit." Lilly pulled on her cloak.   
"Do you want to get going?" Lilly nodded, "Can you close your eyes, please, trust me." Lilly watched him closely, she wasn't too sure about this but she closed her eyes. Lilly felt James' arms around her waist again, but this time ha was standing behind her. She felt the light material of the Invisibility Cloak when James wrapped it around them, and he pulled her closer. His breath on her neck made her tremble. James blew gently in her ear.  
"Don't James," she pleaded. If he started to kiss her neck now it would be just like in the library, but this time her brain didn't stand a chance.  
"I will not do anything you don't want me to Lill. We have to be careful, so we don't get caught; stay on guard, stay quiet and stay close." James' words were only whispers, but he was so close to her ear nothing more then whispers were necessary.  
"Ok, let's go then."  
  
A/N: this is short, I know, more to come soon... i hope. please, please, pretty please review. 


	6. Strangers In The Night

Strangers In The Night

_Strangers in the night_

_Two lonely people, we were strangers in the night_

_Up to the moment when we said our first hello little did we know_

_Love was just a glance away, a warm embracing dance away_

_and_

_Ever since that night we've been together_

_Lovers at first sight, in love forever_

_It turned out so right for strangers in the night_

_Love was just a glance away, a warm embracing dance away_

Lilly gasped when the cold air hit her, they were standing outside. James carefully closed the door behind them. Everything was covered with white frost, and the moonlight made it sparkle. 

"James." She whispered, "You didn't tell me I slept trough the rest of the autumn." 

"You didn't, but when you weren't here to enjoy it there wasn't any reason for it to stay," he whispered in her ear with a soft voice. 

"That's sweet." She turned her head to look at him and smiled. 

"You probably hear things like that all the time. Alex says Tom's a real romantic," James said as the walked away from the castle.

"To tell you the truth," she said almost embarrassed, "he isn't, not to me at least." 

"He isn't? You deserve better." James pulled off the cloak. 

"You mean I deserve you."

"You deserve someone romantic, someone that trusts you, someone that loves you, all of you; your temper, your mood swings, your laugh, your smile, your voice, someone you don't have to lie to. Some one you love."

"James, I don't think 16 year olds love anyone; not really love." Lilly started to walk around stretching her legs. 

"Do you know what love is Lill?" He walked up next to her.

"No, and I don't think you know either," she said, stretching her arms over her head. 

"I don't **know** what love is, but I'm starting to get a pretty good idea. I think love is when the person walks in to the room and your heart starts to beat faster. When just looking at her makes you want to wrap her up in your arms, listening to her breathing. Just wanting to be near her seeing her as often as possible, even if that means being beaten up. Everything I feel for you Lill." He took her hand as they walked. 

"Today maybe, but what about tomorrow?" 

"Tomorrow," he looked in to her frightened green eyes. "I'll love you just as much as yesterday, if not even more." She turned away from him and kept walking. 

"You're so sweet I almost want to believe you." James grabbed her arm and drew her close. 

"Why don't you Lill? I mean it with all my heart." 

"James, I've seen you break half the female hearts in this school; if I give you mine you'll get bored and destroy it."  

"I'll never break your hart, I'll never get bored with you. I'll never ever hurt you."  

"You know, you're making it really hard for me to cling to the part of me who wants to hate you." 

"Personally I think that's a good thing." He kissed her cheek and let her go."

"James, you can have most the girls here, why settle with me? You can have the prettiest girls in school. What do you want with little, not so pretty, can't even get the boys to notice me, Lillian Evens?"

You _are_ the prettiest girl in school. And the boys do notice you, they are just afraid. Too much brain, too much pure classic beauty." Lilly turned away, and James knew why; she was blushing. James had never made her blush before, in anything else than anger. 

"You're like this to all the girls, aren't you?" Lilly stopped and looked out over the lake. She didn't want to look at James; she just wanted to get her self-control back. James was breaking down her trust in that being with Tom was right for her, and she hated it. 

James could se she was shivering; suddenly he remembered she wasn't wearing her winter cloak, only a thin one.    

"No, I'm not like this to all the girls." No reaction. "Are you cold?" 

"A bit." Before she had time to think she felt the warm soft material of James' cloak around her shoulders.

"There, don't want you to catch a cold now."

If I have your cloak, you'll get cold."

"I'll be fine." He started to hum. She couldn't help singing, James was surprised, Lilly's voice was sweet, careful, but somewhere in there was the potential to be great, strong. 

"May I have the pleasure of this dance?" James took her hand.

"Certainly." She could feel his arm around her waist, pulling her close. He looked into her eyes, people says the eyes are the windows to the soul. But that couldn't be right, she hadn't changed her mind about him while she was _asleep_. They were warm, loving, open, for a moment he thought he'd be forever lost in these eyes. They were probably the eyes she looked at the world with, the eyes that meet her friends, professors and anyone she didn't fight with every day. But now the moon reflected in her eyes, there was a smile on her lips and the cold made her cheeks rosy. He kissed one of her cold cheeks. He looked over her face. Except from her rosy cheeks she was pale, and there were dark shadows under her eyes. 

Lilly didn't know why, but the kiss left a tingling feeling on her skin. She couldn't look at him.  

"Lill," he put his hand under her chin and maid her look at him. "I'll never break your heart, trust me." Lilly was about to tell James that he probably would, when something cold hit her face. She looked up. Snow, it was snowing, beautiful white crystals falling from the sky.

"It's snowing!" she said exited. 

"Yes." He brushed some snowflakes away from her hair. "Let's get inside." She smiled and nodded.

**A/N:** I'M BACK!! So, what do you think? I think they are getting some way, or maybe not. I'm not really sure….

The song text on the start of the story is _Strangers in the night, _sung by Frank Sinatra. 

Please, please, pretty please review.  


	7. Briar roses and what I deserve

A/N: I hate writer's block, I hate writer's block, I hate writer's block, I hate writer's block, I hate writer's block, I really do. Well, but now I'm back. It's been far too long since I updated last, a serious case of writer's block and way to much homework has kept me from finishing this chapter. But here it is, so please read and review.           

Briar roses and what I deserve.

He'd walked her up to the hospital wing, and said good night. For once she'd kissed him on the cheek, and he didn't try to do anything more. He didn't want to ruin it. It had been perfect. The walk, the dance, the snow. James hadn't noticed that Lilly had his cloak until this morning. Sirius kept asking about what happened, but James just changed subject. 

James was starting to get nervous, it was starting to get late and Lilly wasn't down for breakfast yet. 

James' mind drifted off to last night, again. 

"Good morning." James knew that voice, he'd recognised that voice anywhere, Lilly, and she was standing right behind him. 

"Lilly." He turned and took her hand.

"Good morning James." A foolish smile spread on her lips. James could see traces of dark shadows under her eyes. She had an awful night, but she wasn't going to let James know that, not now.

"I was afraid you wouldn't come down for breakfast."

"Well, here I am, and here is your cloak by the way," she said and gave him his cloak back.

"Lilly!" Tom's voice hit James ears. And he could feel Lilly pulling her hand away from him. 

"Hi Tom." James turned away, he couldn't look at them. He didn't want to see her kissing Tom.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, I just need something to eat."

"I'm so glad you're alright, you don't know how worried I've been." Lilly looked over at James.

"Oh, I think I know," she said smiling.

"And Potter, Alex is really looking forward to tonight." 

"Tonight?" James asked.

"Yes, the double date." Both James and Lilly went a little pale. 

"That's right, I forgot in the commotion," James said. Lilly tried to smile.

"I'm also looking forward to it," Lilly said mostly to be polite. 

"So, do you have any plans?" Tom looked at James.

"Yes… but they are a secret." He looked at Lilly. "Two couples like us can have loads of fun."

"Hopefully I'll have some time alone with my Lilly." Tom saw the look Sirius sent him, and it wasn't a nice one. 

"Yes," James said coldly.

"I'll se you later Lilly," Tom said and kissed her.

"Yes, you will." When Tom had gone back to his table Lilly sat down between James and Remus.  

"Lill, I'm not saying this to break you and Tom up but, all the guys know it, the ravenclawboys mark their girlfriends." She turned her head and looked at him.

"What do you mean with 'marking'?" He hadn't expected her to ask, he'd expected Lilly wouldn't believe him.

"Love bites." She looked over at Remus, he nodded.

"It's true," Remus said.

"But he's never…"

"Just remember how suspicious he has been lately, and marking you would be the perfect way to remind me to stay away from you."

"I'll remember that." She smiled, and started to eat her breakfast. James hadn't expected this reaction, not in a million years. He started to hum into her ear, she turned and looked at him. One glance towards the ravenclawtable, Tom wasn't there. She didn't think anybody would notice, so she kissed James on the cheek, grinned and went back to her breakfast. "I'm not going to sing this time," Lilly whispered.

"What if I try again?"

"No, shouldn't you be thinking about tonight?"

"Do you know what I really want to do?"

"No." She turned and looked in to his warm eyes. "I'm not really sure I want to."

"Not tell Tom and Alex where we are going to night, and sweep you of your feet."

"Don't you dare to break Alex's heart, if you do…" Lilly wasn't sure what would happen if he broke Alex's heart, but she'd surely do something. 

"I get the picture, let's hope she can't hear what I'm thinking then, for that would surely break her heart." Lilly was suddenly quiet, it looked as if the piece of toast in front of her was the most interesting thing in the world. _'Oh, I wish she could read your mind James, I hope you break her heart soon…'_ Lilly stopped, what was she thinking? She frightened herself; she didn't want James to break anybody's heart. _'Of course you do, Lillian, as long as it isn't yours.'_ She looked up. She didn't want to think like this. Alex was her friend, Tom was her boyfriend and James, James was the boy she wanted to hate, wanted to have close when she was sad or afraid, James' were the eyes she wanted to meet at breakfast, and there was probably no one who was as protective of her as James, if not maybe Remus, at least nobody in her family. 

"What do you want to do tonight?" she glanced over at the ravenclawtable and spotted Alex.

"Call in sick, and cuddle up in my dorm with a book. All Alex really wants is to show you off."

"She's welcome to show me off to you, " Lilly smiled. "Maybe she does so good a job that you want me for yourself."

"You're only a prize, something she has won, just like I would be for you," She whispered. 

"First prize in the worlds biggest contest, all I ever could wish for." He put his hand on hers somewhere between their plates. It took her a moment to decide, but she pulled it away. Suddenly she became aware that Alex was looking at her, not only looking, but staring, staring at her and James. 

"Don't think of me, think of tonight. I'm going up to the dorm." 

"Lill, aren't you going do finish your breakfast?" She shook her head.

"I'm not hungry" 

"Lill, you haven't eaten in days, you have to eat more than that."

"I'll be fine…" Her eyes told him she was somewhere between furious and crying. 

"I think you need some sleep." James brushed some of her red hair away from her face. She nodded. 

"Yes, maybe you're right." She looked at him, _'I don't want to sleep James, I just want to get out of here.'_ Lilly thought.

"Can you tell me about that spell, later?"

"Yes, we have a date tonight."

"I hope I'll see you before that." Lilly nodded, got up and left the great hall.

Lilly had buried her head in her pillows. She hadn't been this tired in ages, that spell had really got stronger when it backfired. It had drained her for strengths totally. And after James had left last night her last 'meeting' with Snape kept haunting her. Now she was lying on her bed fully dressed, just tired. And every time she closed her eyes she heard Snape's voice in her head, _'__I can't see what you're doing going after this mud trash. This is a good one Evens, your boyfriend won't defend you so your lover has to. I can see why he doesn't want to defend you; you're just mud on his shoes.' _What if she was, what if…?

"Lill?" she could hear the door opening and James' voice. 

"I'm here." She didn't look up. She didn't want him to see her right now, she had more than enough trouble finding out if she really was as good as the fullbloods. "You're not really allowed to be here."

"Do you mind?"

"No," he sat down on her bed.

"Are you hungry?" Lilly turned around and looked at him.

"No…" she shook her head. 

"Can you tell me about the spell?" He took her hand and kissed it.

"I suppose so, it drains strength from your body, it's just supposed to knock you out for an hour or so. No counter curse."

"So that's why you look so tired. I shouldn't have taken you out last night, if I hadn't, maybe you would be ok now."

"No, I'm glad you took me out last night. No matter what Tom said, I'm really glad you came. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I just need to regain my strengths." She closed her eyes for a moment, with Snape's voice ringing in her ears. 

"And you won't do that unless you eat something."

"What is this nagging about eating?" 

"Well you have to, you can't come here and say you aren't hungry. Your body needs nourishment."

"When did you become a doctor? Ok, if it makes you happy I'll eat."   

"Good, come with me." She followed James, everything went so quickly, she didn't really know what happened before they were standing in the kitchen.  She'd newer been there before. She didn't usually walk around breaking rules; she wasn't like James who probably had broken a dozen since last night. 

"Master Potter." A houseelf came up to them, it seemed as he knew James well, "and miss," it bowed for Lilly. "What does the master want?" James looked at Lilly.

"What do you want?" 

"I, I don't know" she stuttered. Even if she didn't know what she wanted, James made sure she got something. And she had been hungry, Lilly knew it all along, but she didn't want to eat in the great hall, with Alex staring at her. 

"Lill?" he asked when she'd finished.

"Yes?"

"What do _you_ want to do tonight?" 

"I don't know, I don't want to dance, and I don't want to se you make out with Alex all night." 

"Why not?"

"See you making out with Alex?" He nodded. "Because it's boring, and I don't really like the fact that you're going out with Alex."

"Don't you like dancing?" James' mind drifted back to last night.

"I love it, but not tonight." The correct answer would be 'not with Tom,' it would seem strange, with James around.     

"Would we be breaking any rules if we went to Hogsmeade?" 

"When did you start to care?"

"When it was your record we are talking about, and our Ravenclaw friends won't come if we break any rules." 

"Then why don't we?"

"So the two of us can be alone?" Lilly looked down.

"No, so the date will end early."

"If it was only the two of us, I'd know exactly what to do."

"And what would that be?"

"No, you'll have to wait until our first date."

"What makes you think we'll ever have a first date?" she smiled.

"I just know. Tell me Lill, what is your favourite flower?" Lilly looked at him, she was thinking.

"You'll just say I lack imagination."

"No, I won't." 

"Ok, roses." 

"Every girls favourite, long red roses, without thorns." She grinned.

"No, briar rose, the little, open, pink, wild rose. With thorns, that's my favourite."

"Sweet and natural, just like you. What do you think about lilys?" 

"Some of them are beautiful."

"Especially one," James said, "you."  

"That's sweet, were do you get these lines of yours?"

"They just pop up, complementing girls comes naturally to me."

"I have noticed." She glanced down at her watch.

"You're thinking we should get back, aren't you?"

"Actuary I was, they are probably starting to wonder were we are." She got up. 

"And the guys are probably making up stories they can spread around the school."

"Probably." She looked into his eyes, something about them were so inviting. Suddenly he lifted her up, one arm under her knees, and one hand behind her back. He'd caught her totally of guard and just for a second she was afraid she'd fall. She wrapped her arms around his neck, just to make sure she didn't fall.

"Maybe we should make some stories on our own." James whispered. Lilly bent forward, her lips almost touching James' before she realised what she was doing. She had closed her eyes and heard Snape's voice in her head, and pulled back. Snape was right, she wouldn't let James sink so deep as to dating her, mudtrash, mudblood. James couldn't read her eyes, they were closed. But he knew she had wanted to kiss him, he knew it. 

"I can't, James," she said and avoided his eyes.

"Because of Tom?" James put her down. Lilly started to smile, because of Tom, he thought it was because of Tom. She didn't have to explain anything. 

"Yes, it's because of Tom." She was happy and terribly sad at the same time. She'd just decided that James deserved better than her, and that she had to overlook the fact that she actuary started to like him. Happy she didn't have to explain, just say that it was Tom. 

Her eyes weren't sad, they didn't say 'understand me', they were happy, relieved. What had just happened? She'd wanted to kiss him, he knew this wasn't just Tom, it had to be more.

"No, it isn't, it's more then Tom, isn't it?" Lilly finally came to her senses, turned and ran. Before James knew what had happened she was gone. 

A/N: hope you liked it, hopefully I'll update again soon.

            Please review, I really want to know what you think.


	8. Commands, kisses, and a Brother

A/N: I'm going to say this once and for all, I write Lilly with double L, it is the Norwegian way of writing it and that falls natural for me. And I'm going to write Lilly with double L all trough this story.

I hope everyone is enjoying the 5. Harry Potter book, I know I am. I hope you'll enjoy this to.

Commands, kisses, and a Brother 

Nagini had just met James in the hallway, not the normal, merry, confident James, but a confused James. And now she was on the way to find her best friend, the one who had made James so confused. First she had been mad at him, then she'd almost kissed him, and ended it all with just running off. No surprise James was confused. 

Nagini could see her. She was walking quite fast. Nagini started walking faster, almost jogging. When she caught up with Lilly she grabbed her arm and turned her around.

"What is it with you?" Nagini hadn't meant to say _that_, and absolutely not like _that_. She looked at Lilly's tear streaked face. 

"Nothing, except I just realised I'm a filthy mudblood, and shouldn't even be here." Nagini smacked her. 

"Don't you dare talk like that about my best friend ever again!" Lilly was stunned. "Come here," Nagini said and dragged her into an empty classroom. The transfiguration classroom, Lilly already hated this room. "Sit!" Nagini commanded. "First of all I'm going to make this clear; that some one is mudblood is rubbish, there is no such thing as mudblood and you know that." Nagini stopped to catch her breath. "At least you knew that when you tried to hex Snape for saying that." 

"How do you know…?" Nagini stopped her before Lilly had a chance to finish the question.

"I talked to James."

"You know someone like me don't deserve James." Nagini started to laugh. 

"Last week you didn't want him, now you don't deserve him. Let me guess, you don't deserve him because you are a mudblood?" Lilly looked down, that point had sounded much better in her head than it did when Nagini said it. "Were would you get that idea? I thought you would be the last person on this planet to call your self that."

"If you had Snape's voice hunting you every time you close your eyes you'd start to wonder too." Lilly stopped for a moment. "I didn't get any sleep last night, what I did doesn't qualify as sleeping."

"Everything would been better if you'd believed in yourself. And by the way, you deserve James, if that's what you want."

"I don't know what I want. On one hand he's sweet, and nice and caring, but sometimes…"

"He can be an irresponsible git?" Nagini suggested. 

"Yes, you know him better then I do, you know what he's like." Nagini nodded approving. She did know him.

He's like playing with fire; you have to have control, always. Let him play by your rules. That's were everybody fails."

"I don't even know if I want a boyfriend like James."

"You'll know soon enough. Just stop messing with his mind, I want my friend back." Lilly nodded and smiled. She knew Nagini was more interested in having her seeker back then having her friend back, but she got the point. 

"Yeah, you'll have your seeker back."

"And Lill could you…" Nagini was interrupted by someone knocking on the door, she opened. "James?" James was standing in the doorway.

"Hi, I just wondered if I could talk to Lill for a moment."

"Sure, just let me finish my sentence and I'll leave you two alone." Nagini looked over at Lilly, a frightened Lilly. "Lilly?"

"Yes?" Lilly looked up concentrating on Nagini.

"Put him down gently, Tom I mean."

"Who said I'd break up with Tom?"

"Time will show, time will show." Nagini shook her head and turned to James. "She's all yours," she said and left the room. Lilly's eyes started to travel the walls to find something else than James to look at.

"Lill I'm sorry I made you run, I'm sorry I asked so much, I'm sorry if I tried to make you kiss me, I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you."

"Even for turning my hair blue?"

"Yes, I can't believe I turned your beautiful hair blue." 

"James," she said in a low voice. "You don't have anything to apologise for, except turning my hair blue." She walked over to him, looked into his eyes and let his arms find their way to her back. Right now she wanted him to hold her, she didn't know why, but she did.   

"Do you mean it?" He wasn't sure if he could believe her. 

"Yes, you didn't try to make me kiss you, unless you manipulated my mind. If it had been the other way around I would have asked just as much. And it was probably wrong of me to run of like that, but I have a reason and my reason is my own." James tilted his head and looked at her.

"Let me in Lill, don't shut me out." He stroked her cheek. "Tell me, please." 

"James, you don't want to know. You wouldn't understand."  Lilly turned and walked over to a window. 

"How do you know I wouldn't understand when I don't even know what it is?" 

"James, you wouldn't understand because you aren't like me. Don't you see that?" Lilly turned and looked at him. James stopped, she was angry. 

"What?"

"I'm not like you."

"And what's that supposed to mean? What's so different? What's your bloody reason?" Her eyes lit up, "come on Lill, don't be a bloody fool." She smiled sarcastically.

"So now you get angry." She threw her head backwards. "You know what, I'm going to tell you the truth." His eyes examined her. "James, every time I close my eyes, do you know what happens? No of course you don't. I hear Snape's voice telling me something I don't want to hear; something I'm starting to wonder if is true. My reason." Some of the glow in James' eyes disappeared. Lilly put a finger into James' chest. "I'm mudblood James, mudtrash, how you could sink as deep as liking me I don't know. But I shouldn't be here. And I absolutely don't disserve a real wizard like you." They just stood there. James getting redder and redder, he was shocked, terrified and angry. The smartest witch he knew was standing in front of him and saying she was worth nothing, at least not his love. James put an arm around her and kissed her. He didn't want to let her go; he could feel her returning the kiss but just for a couple of seconds before he broke it of. He looked into her wide-open eyes.

"If you don't deserve me the world can go to hell, it probably already has when YOU talk like this. It's like Nagini saying quidditch is a boy's game, or Remus saying abnormal people shouldn't be here. If you don't deserve me then no one does." She looked down. "I think that spell messed with your head." Lilly rubbed her temples. 

"You're telling me?" Their eyes met. "I'm not going to lie to you. I suddenly have this growing affection for you and…" James interrupted her.

"You do?" he tilted his head and looked at her. "I knew it, that was what I saw in your eyes last night." He lifted her up and spun her around. 

"James, what are you doing?" she looked at him in surprise. 

"I'm going to tell you this once and for all, you're not a mudblood. If there is any mudblood in your family that arrogant sister of yours got it. I'm not any better then you, except in transfiguration, and I'm not a more real wizard than you." James put her down. For a moment t they just looked in to each other's eyes. James let his finger slide along the soft skin under her eyes, it had a bluish colour. "You need some sleep. I'm sure that if you believe in yourself the voices in your head will go away."

"For starters there is only one voice, I'm not crazy." He smiled at her. "Now you think I'm crazy too, great." She smiled and looked at him. She could feel her heartbeat rising just a bit, and a tingling sensation spread in her stomach. Lilly looked down.

"I don't think you are crazy, I find you very charming."

"I'll go up to the dorm, try to get some sleep."

"Good idea, I'll see you tonight then." James looked at her.

"Of course you will." She left him, again. She liked him, she really did. James could have jumped of joy, but it wasn't in his nature. 

"It isn't good for her, I can't say it to her face, but I think so." Nagini pulled her hair away from her face. 

"Relax, let her fall. What harm can it do? She isn't a child."

"You never gain anything by falling in love with James."

"Ok, even if she doesn't gain anything, what does she lose?" Remus looked over at Nagini.

"Respect, self-respect, her heart…"

"Come on Nagini, it's her heart, you can't tell her what to do with it. Don't you ever fall?" Their eyes met, she smiled. 

"No, I don't." Remus looked down. 

"I think you should." 

"Yeah, maybe I should fall for James?" Remus stared at her.

"No, you most certainly shall not, it isn't…"

"Good for me?" she smiled. "You want me all to yourself." Remus blushed.

"What makes you think that?" 

"I'm not stupid, and even if I had been I'm not blind. But as a said, I don't fall."

"Why not? Are you scared?"

"Yes, I'm dead scared. Remember, I'm not a girl, I'm a tomboy." Remus looked at her; a face without makeup, unpierced ears, not any jewellery at all actually, she was wearing a too big shirt, probably James' or Sirius'.

"You know you don't have to be a tomboy to have an opinion, or to be taken seriously." Nagini rolled her eyes. "You don't have to hide the fact that you are a girl."

"Remus listen, you know James and Sirius just as well as I do. The girls don't have to be that pretty before their brains black out, I've seen it happen." 

"But how is that relevant?"

"Look at Christine," Nagini said and nodded towards a raven-haired 5th year girl. "A blond bimbo. Not blond the hair colour, blond the state of mind." Remus smiled and shook his head. "If I dressed like she does, guys wouldn't care what I says or thinks. If a girl has an over half decent body they black out, suddenly seeing something they can hit on. Sometimes boys act like girls are things, not human beings. Couldn't you picture me in what she's wearing?" a stupid grin occurred on Remus' face. "Exactly, could you lose that grin?"

"Of course," he said but the grin didn't disappear completely. 

"I'll stick to being their friend, as long as I continue like I do now they won't even think of hitting on me. You already see someone to hit on, so I don't know what to do about you." Nagini suddenly realised that they had stopped talking about Lilly and started talking about her. She didn't really like that, afraid that they would end up talking about the one time she'd fallen and gotten her heart broken. He hadn't even bothered to look at her that way; she was just a quidditch-playing girl. And no one would really believe she was a girl. 

"I'm not really hitting on you, I'm…" he stopped when he saw the look on her face, a sweet smile, it told him to stop talking. She kissed him on the cheek.

"You're sweet Remus, if I ever decide to let my self fall again you'll be the first to know. I have to go now, I have a lot of work to do."

"I'll see you later then." He was stunned.

"You probably will." She smiled at him and giggled before she headed towards the library. 

Lilly had just entered the common room. Her eyes scanned the room for Remus. He was sitting by the fire, reading, Lilly walked over to him.   

"Hi." Her voice was low, his eyes met hers, and he looked straight into her soul. 

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I could just need a friend, and some sleep. Why does always something have to be wrong?"

"Something's always wrong, you have that look, my-life-is-going-to-hell-save-me-from-killing-myself-please look." He smiled. 

"Will you? Save me from killing my self?"

"Face it Lilly, you aren't suicidal. But let's go up stairs if that's what you want." She nodded.   

"Lill, do you remember the first time we really met, when we really got to know each other?" Lilly's head was resting on his chest. His was the softest wool sweater she'd felt, at least that was what she'd thought when she bought it for him for Christmas.

"How could I ever forget, the night after my mother died. Do you remember the other day, when I ended up crying on James shoulder? That day it was four years sins she died." She felt his arm pulling her closer. "I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't, suddenly I felt lonely, scared, angry and there was James."

"He was just at the right place at the right time." Lilly smiled. Silence. She could hear his heartbeat.    

"You know what Remus? I don't want children." She said out of no where.  

"Why not?" 

"I could never put a child into this world with the slightest chance it would have to go trough what I went trough."  

"I don't think it's possible your child would ever go through what you went trough. Because whoever you marry, whomever you choose to have a child with, he would care about that child no matter what happens to you. Just because your family…"

"Remus, you are the only family I've got. Do you remember the night two years ago, the first time I slept in your bed? That day I lost my family, and then you were all I had."

"You didn't lose your family just because he married again."

"I don't fit in, I'm nothing like my father or my sister, and my stepmother is just like my sister. I'm not welcome." Remus knew Lilly was just like her mother, and they had had a very special connection. Lilly hated the fact that her father had remarried.

"I don't believe there are any families were a member isn't welcome." His fingers ran trough her hair. 

"Sometimes I think you live a daydream. Every family has a black sheep, and I'm it in my family." She closed her eyes. 

"The fact that you are a witch doesn't automatically make you the black sheep."

"I'm barely a witch," she mumbled. 

"Don't believe everything people say about you. It's strong smart witches and wizards like you that will be their downfall. 

"I know." They fell silent again.

"Lill?" there was something odd, unsure in his voice. 

"Yeah?" 

"Do I care about opinions, your thought, I treat you like a person right?" Lilly smiled.

"You've been talking to Nagini haven't you? Yes, you care about my opinions and my thoughts; at least I think you do, only you really know. And no, you don't treat me like a person, you treat my like a lady, and I love you for that and a million other reasons. Lilly yawned.

"I love you to, and now you're going to get some sleep."

"Yes, god night."

"God night" he said and pulled the covers over them.

Lilly listened to Remus' breathing, a safe steady sound. She wasn't sure if she was dreaming or if she was sliding back into reality. She could hear a door sliding open and then closing again. 

"And here is me thinking we agreed not to bring girls up here." It was Sirius. She didn't open her eyes; she didn't want to open them.

"I said Lilly didn't count." 

"Yeah, and James was really happy about that."

"James is not getting here up here." Remus said and ran his fingers through her hair. 

"Jealous are you?" 

"You have a baby sister, in 4th grade."

"I've noticed."

"You wouldn't let James lose on her would you?"

"James is like me and I'm…" Sirius stopped for a moment. "Over my dead body, he's not even going to _see_ her again."

"Exactly, and Lilly is my baby sister, at least it feels like she is my sister."  

"Lilly is sensible, so sensible that she can handle James no matter what happens. Are you sure she looks at you as a brother to?" Sirius asked.

"He is my brother, could you stop talking Sirius, I'm trying to sleep," Lilly said. Her eyes were still shut, but she was smiling. 

"You heard the lady." Remus smiled.   

"Yeah, good night then Lilly."

"Good night Sirius." 

A/N: hope you liked this, no date this time I'm having an argument with James, we can't seem to agree on what to do. Anyone else have any ideas? 

I hope everyone will take the minutes it takes to review my story. 

Hopefully I'll be back soon, I just have to read 766 pages of Harry Potter before I'll do anything at all except reading.    


	9. 1 – 2 – 3 disaster?

A/N: Why does it sound like I'm going to get depressed and stop writing when I finish the 5th book? Right now I'm not sure if I really want to read the end, so could you please stop scaring me. I'm never going to finish the book anyway, because when all I want to do is read I get loads of ideas and start writing in stead (but not on the story I want to write on, no, new storys). Anyway here is a small chapter before the holidays. Hope you like it.

**1 – 2 – 3... disaster? **

Lilly had been looking into the mirror for 10 minutes, pulling her hair up, and letting it down again. Why did she have to care about how she looked, it was something she had always done, and right now this vain habit was driving her crazy. 

"Up," Jill said, she'd been watching Lilly since she started changing outfits. "Wear your hair up, don't hide your face all the time." 

***

"So Potter is stealing your girlfriend."  Tom looked up at an older ravenclaw boy.

"He's not stealing her, what makes you think that?" 

"Well, let's see. There is a nasty rumour around school saying that Potter and Evens are having an affair." Tom looked at Alex. 

"Well, they aren't. Potter wouldn't dare."

"Are you so sure about that?"

***

"I don't hide my face." Lilly said. "If I did I would do like this." Lilly took her hair brush and brushed her hair in front of her face. 

"Yeah, you've made your point."

"Maybe I should wear it like this, then I wouldn't have to see anything." 

"What is wrong with you? Are you always in such a bad mood or is it only when you are awake?" Lilly brushed her hair back.

"Sorry Jill, just had a bad day that's all, and anyway I don't like double dates."

"Especially because you are going out with the guy everybody thinks you are having an affair with."

***

"He wouldn't do that to Alex," Tom said.

"Potter doesn't have any problems with cheating on anyone, and you know that, the entire world knows that."

"Come on Andy, she hates him." 

"There is a very thin line between love and hate."

***

"I'm not having an affair, so it shouldn't bother me, should it? What makes them think I'm having an affair anyway?"   

"Let's see; James has the biggest crush on you, you jelled his head off in the library for dating Alex, and he's just dead gorgeous. If he was after me I'd go for it, no question." 

"But I didn't, that's the difference. Why does this bother me?"

***

"I trust her." Tom said to convince Andy.

"Trusting a girl with Potter? I've always wondered how you ended up in Ravenclaw."

"Don't make fun of him, Andy." A 7th year girl smiled at Tom. 

"Come on Eliza, don't you think he's kind of naive, Potter is always looking for a new girl."

***

"It bothers you because you hate rumours about you, you always try to be perfect. And these rumours suggest that you aren't perfect." Lilly turned and looked at Jill.

"I'm not perfect, never perfect and it isn't my goal in life to be perfect."

"What have you been doing the last twenty minutes?"

***

"Come on James, you can't stay coped up here all day." Sirius had just crept in a half size door into a small room. 

"Can't I?" James looked at him from over his book; dark wizards of the 18th century. "Watch me."

"Of course you can, but it would be cowardly of you." James' eyes lit up, Sirius knew exactly what buttons to push. 

"I've never been a coward."     

***

"Ok, so it's kind of naive." Eliza said and avoided Tom's eyes. " They aren't friends, but I've seen them working together, they work brilliantly together. They'll stick up for each other, he would kill for her, and she would fight to her last drop of blood if anyone does him injustice." Tom looked angrily at her. "But they are just as likely to kill each other."

"And who other than lovers are wiling to risk their lives for each other?" Andy said smiling.

"Friends." Eliza said.

"Yes, but as you already pointed out they aren't friends." Eliza rolled her eyes. "I've got a point don't I?" Tom nodded. "I know how you can show Potter." Andy saw Tom's face lighting up.

"Honestly, I can't see how any of you got in to Ravenclaw." Eliza fixed her steel grey eyes on Andy. "This isn't about Tom and Lilly at all, this is about the fact that Potter caught the snitch last time you played Gryffindor." 

"I'm only looking out for a younger student's interest."

"Can you at least leave the common room before you tell him, or maybe I should give you both detention."

"Gosh, all this nagging for something so small. Come on Tom, if you want to know what I'm talking about." Andy smiled when Tom got up. "See you later then, Eliza." 

***

"Then why are you here? I can't think of any other reason to be here except hiding."

"I'm never hiding." James snared.

"Yeah right. Lilly's sleeping with Remus and you're here with your 200 year old wizards, you are both hiding." 

"She's what?" James stared at him. 

"Let me try again, sleeping next to Remus. You know what I mean."

"Yes, but I'm not hiding. I'm just trying to come up with a Ravenclaw friendly date."

"Like a trip to the library? I can't think of anything more boring. The Ravenclaws are almost as bad as the Slytherins, they think they are better then everyone else just because they are supposed to be smart. Can't you make it a Gryffindor friendly date, there are just as many Gryffindors as there are Ravenclaws. 

***

"I've never been perfect, and I'll never be perfect. But I can at least try to look decent for this stupid date." Lilly ran her fingers through her hair.

"If you started listening to people you wouldn't be stuck with this date in the first place." 

"I know, I know, but Alex knows I dislike James. I don't know why she asked in the first place."

"She probably wants to show off, she got something that is just as good or better than what you have. Nice little power struggle."

***

"Why do I think you already got this date figured out." James put his book away.

"Just an idea. You break a couple of rules, but if you get caught you'll only get a night or two in detention." Sirius explained quickly.

"What do you have planned?" James was getting impatiently. 

"You take a walk from the castle down to Hogsmeade, see if there are any ghosts in the Shrieking Shack…"

"Come on Sirius, Shrieking Shack isn't hunted."

Of course it is, it is as hunted as you want it to be." Sirius smiled. "Go for a stroll around Hogsmeade then, you could go to that park just outside the village. And after words go for a butterbeer at The Three Broomsticks, or maybe you should try to bring two Ravenclaws into Hog's head. I don't think there has ever been a Ravenclaw in there; at least I haven't seen one."

"I doubt you'll ever see Lilly in Hog's head, it isn't the place for a person that almost never breaks the rules. " 

"Lilly has broken her fair share of rules, but she almost never gets detention. In one way what she does is worse than what we do, she hexes people, duels, fist fights. For most of the fist fights she is accompanied by Nagini. She isn't the angel everybody thinks she is. If I'd hexed Snape, in class, I would have detention until I graduate." 

"Maybe you're right, it isn't that important for her to have a clean record."

"I'm always right." Sirius said smiling.

"Don't exaggerate."  

***

"Well I'm stuck with this date now, James will probably find something we can all fancy doing. It can't be that bad," Lilly said sitting down on her bed.

"You are probably right; I bet you'll all come back a live."  

  
  ***************************************************************************************

A/N: have a nice summer everyone, I'll be going on holiday soon but I'll try to finish the next chapter some time soon.  Please review, I want to know what people think about this story, positive or negative (except if you are going to complain about how I write the names).  


	10. Eye contact can last forever

**Eye contact can last forever.  **

Lilly came out of McGonagall's office, she slammed the door behind her. It wasn't hard to see she was furious. She put a piece of paper in her pocket before she slammed her hand into the wall, it didn't seam to hurt her at all. The door opened and Snape came out.

"It won't help you to fire off at a professor like that, mudblood." It looked like Lilly was going in for a kill.

"It doesn't help you to kiss up to her like that either," Lilly snarled.

"It's better than looking like a bomb about to go off."

"Well, I am, so you'd better get out of my sight."

"It's not like I'm planning to stick around here looking at you, you aren't that much to look at, mudblood." Lilly turned and walked toward the great hall, first the meeting with McGonagall and then this date. Now she was on her way to meet Tom, Alex and James. This was not a good way to start the evening. Lilly was suddenly not so sure everyone would come out of this date alive. 

James looked at Lilly and Tom at the end of the stairway. She was still pale, but she'd finally gotten some sleep, thanks to Remus. James could see she stopped talking when she saw him. Her hair was pulled back in a loose bun. She smiled gently, a shy warm smile, but just for a second before it disappeared. She didn't want this date more than he did.

"Hi," Tom said.

"Hi." James' eyes went to Lilly, "you'll freeze to death." James had a point. Lilly was wearing a thin emerald shirt and black jeans, at least she'd found her winter cloak.

"Maybe I'm better off that way?" James looked at her in surprise. Lilly rolled her eyes, looked at James, then over at Tom before she looked back at James.

"Bad day, baby?" Tom looked at her.

"That's one way of putting it." She sounded cold, but her eyes didn't have her I-don't-care-if-the-world-goes-to-hell-look. Her mind was occupied, she was thinking.

"I still think you should get a sweater."

"If I want to freeze, let me, ok?"

"If you want to be stubborn and stupid; fine, what you do isn't my problem."

"That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Have you seen Alex?" James kept looking at Lilly.

"I'm not here to baby-sit your girlfriend." Lilly snarled. Tom looked at her in surprise.

"Calm down tiger, God, you are like a cat defending her territory. "

"Then let me, and leave me alone."

"What do you think I am, a stalker? This wasn't my idea, don't forget that." There was a glow in James' brown eyes. He looked deep into her eyes, she had to smile, his eyes were so beautiful.

"Can't you two try to be friends, at least tonight?" Tom seemed confused.

"We aren't friends!" Lilly said, she had to pull herself together. She was here to go on a date with Tom, not to admire James' beautiful eyes. Hopefully nobody had seen her smile.

"If you say so," James said, the smile he'd just seen had to have been an illusion. _'Nice, now she has slipped back to her old self and hates me'._

"If you two can try not to kill each other for 5 minutes, I'll go and see if she's in the common room."

"Do that," Lilly said and kissed Tom on the cheek.

"Don't kill him, would you." He looked over at James and snarled "and don't you touch her." James lifted an eyebrow and watched Tom head towards the Ravenclaw common room. James looked at Lilly, _'she'll have my head for this'_ he thought.

"Do you mind if I touch you?" Lilly blushed and looked down. He could see a smile on her lips. "It sounds to me like you mind me walking the earth."

"I'm sorry if I sound harsh, it's just… it's nothing. Do you think I mind you touching me?"

"How do you expect me to know what you mind or don't mind?"

"James, what about last night?" She looked at him, her voice was soft.

"You were ill, you said it yourself, that spell messed with your head."

"What about the other day? The night before full moon? Or the library?"

"You weren't sane, you broke down and cried, and in the library you told me to go away, stop and take my hands off you. You are never sane when you let me touch you." There was anger in his eyes, she couldn't keep leading him on and then pulling away from him.

"I'm never sane, James. I'm sorry if the way I talked to you offended you, it's just…" she stopped. "It's nothing, you heard the way he talked to you." She looked down again, he put his hand on her upper arm.

"Lill, what are you hiding from me? What is it you don't want to tell me?" she looked down at his hand and smiled carefully up at him.

"I kind of like your touch." Their eyes met, there was something special about the way their eyes met. There was some kind of warmth between them. None of them would ever forget the connection their eyes made.  

"Potter," Lilly heard Tom's voice but she wasn't ready to break off from James' eyes yet, and it was obvious James wasn't either. "Lilly?" she broke off the intense eye contact and felt James' hand slide down her arm. She looked over at Tom and Alex.

"So you finally decided to show up for your own date," Lilly said. Her voice was cold, but her eyes were soft.

"What was that about?" Tom looked at her.

"What was what?"

"You and Potter."

"You told him not to touch me, so he had to show that you have no kind of power over him." Lilly looked at Tom. "When you say 'no', James starts to think 'aha, that sounds like a good idea'." Lilly's voice was sharp. How could she turn on and off like that? One second she was warm, the next she was cold as ice. And what was it she wouldn't tell him, if she wouldn't tell him when they were alone there was no way she would tell with Tom and Alex around.

"Right as always, Lilly." James tried to lure out a smile, but it didn't work.

"So, Potter, what have you planed?" Tom put his arm around Lilly.

"Where?" Alex asked as she took James' hand.

"Hogsmeade."

"Are we allowed to go to Hogsmeade?" Alex asked.

"If we get permission from a teacher," Lilly answered, Alex looked relieved.

"Who said anything about permission?" James asked.

"I didn't say we had permission, I just said we would be allowed if we had one. I never thought you would actually have one. That would take the fun out of it, wouldn't it?" James smiled at Lilly.

"What if we get caught? We'll get detention until the summer holidays." Tom said. 

"Sirius said we would only get a couple of nights if we get caught. But we won't get caught, would we?"

"We never get caught," Lilly said and grinned.

"At least not this far, and you never get detention anyway." Lilly's grin disappeared.

"Let's go then." Lilly said. James could see she had closed herself again, but that was just Lilly.

A/N: hope you liked this and I hope everyone will take the minutes it takes to review my story. I'll try to get another chapter done soon, my writing is getting slower and slower so give me a wake-up cale and I'll finish faster.


	11. For an hour or two

A/N: because of a serious case of writer's block I haven't been writing for a while, but now both my storys in progress are updated. Enjoy and please review.

**11. For an hour or two**

The night air was cold and crisp, it was colder now then yesterday and a thin layer of snow covered the ground.

"So Potter, what have you planned for tonight?" James thought Tom's voice didn't belong here, not in this picture.

"Didn't I already tell you? Hogsmead. Shrieking Shack first." He could see a smile on Lilly's lips. "And then getting something to drink, no dancing and none of us making out all night." He looked over at Lilly.

"I thought you were kidding." Alex said, clinging to James arm. "And Shrieking Shack, won't that be terribly scary and dangerous tonight so close to the full moon?" Alex looked truly scared. Lilly burst out in laughter. James looked at her and smiled, knowing about Remus, Alex's question was just ridiculous. Alex sent Lilly an ugly look.

"There is nothing to worry about, I'll keep you safe. Don't bother with Lilly, she has to be brave to be in Gryffindor you know," He smiled. "Bravest in the entire school," he said in a dreamy voice. Alex kissed him, as to wake him from this state. Lilly looked up at the moon, so beautiful but still she could see all Remus' suffering in it. Tom stopped, Lilly looked around, they had reached the gate.

"Are we sure about this, what if we get caught?" He looked from Lilly to James.

"Seriously, you are Ravenclaws, you are supposed to be the school saints. Who would give you detention? And Lilly never gets detention." James found all of this a bit stupid. He saw something in Lilly's eyes, he didn't know what, but he didn't like it.

"And what about you?" Lilly met his eyes, James smiled carefully,

"I will get detention until I graduate for dragging, or luring, you three out here."

"You'll put the house cup on the line; I know it is early to talk about it but still." She was trying to find a way out of this date.

"I'll put the cup on the line a million times before this year is over, but maybe we should call it off."

"No," Alex said. "It will be fun, and what is the chance of getting caught?" She took James' hand and started walking. James made a gesture to Lilly telling her he tried. "The moon is beautiful, don't you think so?" Alex squeezed his hand. Lilly looked up at it again, she remembered seeing Remus this morning, tired but on his way to getting better. Mister self control, if you didn't look carefully you would barely notice how tired he was. Lilly noticed James hadn't answered, was he thinking of the same thing she was? She looked over at him.

"Yes, it is beautiful, but the moon has a dark side," James answered.

"A dark side? What do you mean by that?" Alex was expecting James to answer, but he didn't, Lilly beat him to it.

"What most people don't see, things that can make a persons life hell."

"How can the moon make someone's life hell?" Tom looked from Lilly up at the silver ball in the sky.

"That's the thing Tom, most people don't see it. And they should be happy they don't." Lilly was happy she knew, it made Remus even more special to her.

"How can we be happy about not knowing if we don't know what we are talking about?"

"Just trust me Tom, That's all you can do." Lilly seamed to be doing that a lot, asking him to trust her but he seldom did.

"I do trust you Lilly," James snorted. Lilly's eyes widened and James saw she wanted him to shut up. It was so tempting to tell Tom exactly what he thought about his trust towards Lilly, but didn't. Lilly would be flaming if he did.

"Trust is the foundation of every relationship, didn't you know that Lill?" James said in a teasing voice.

"Shut up James," Lilly snarled.

"Just like your relationship with Remus,"

"Shut up James, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

"Ashamed Lill?"

"I'm not, have never been and will never be ashamed of Remus. He's probably the most wonderful man to walk this earth." They fell quiet. James tried to catch her eyes, but Lilly was looking everywhere except at him. Alex squeezed his hand, it was getting to quiet for her.

"Lill, can I talk to you?" James broke the silence. "In private?"

"We are in the middle of the forest, were did you intend to find more privacy?"

"If you two just keep on walking we'll catch up with you afterwards." James looked at Tom.

"Lilly?" Tom looked at her.

"It's ok, we'll catch up with you." When Tom and Alex was out of hearing range they started to talk. "Are you trying to ruin this evening?" Lilly looked at him.

"Sweetheart, what is wrong?"

"Do you know how many times you have said I can't get detention?" It surprised him that she didn't comment on him calling her sweetheart.

"A couple, what has that got to do with everything?"

"Well, I do, and I'm not happy about it."

"You got detention, for what?" she pulled a peace of paper out of her pocket and gave it to him.

"For hexing myself. That's like convicting someone for suicide."

"It's just 3 nights, and in Herbology. No one looks after you while you work, they just check up on you when you say you have finished. I could help you if you want me to." She looked up at him. "Unless Snape is there of course, or you don't want to see me."

"No, McGonagall understood that we wouldn't get any work done together. And I wouldn't mind company."

"McGonagall is smart, does that mean you want my help?"

"I would love your help, but I would love it even more if you stopped doing what you just did, talking about Remus."

"Why?" he studied her.

"Our relationship is truly complex, if you start gossip around school it won't help keeping it normal. Anyway, with Tom the way he is, another one I might be deceiving him with is not a good thing."

"Lill, Lill, Lill, you have to stop caring what people say. Nothing about you and Remus is normal no matter what I do. Are you deceiving Tom?" she laughed.

"To tell the truth, I don't know anymore. Let's find the others." James put an arm around her shoulders.

"I like your answer, sounds like you have to get your head on straight again. Sure nothing else is bothering you?" She smiled at him.

"No, I think that is all. So you think I should get my head on straight and start dating you," she said giggling.

"Not the worst idea you have had lately. You know, we could turn back and let them get scared by the rest in Shrieking Shack alone." He winked at her.

"James Potter, you are mean, do you think I will leave my boyfriend hanging like that?" She pushed his arm off her and started walking.

"Of course you won't"

"Exactly. Are you coming?" He hurried after her.

"No more arguing tonight?"

"Sure, at least for an hour or two. Let's hurry up"

* * *

"Lill will laugh her head off." Remus looked at Sirius. They had just entered the Shrieking Shack.

"And you think James will keep a straight face?" Sirius was wearing a very slick smile.

"You have been planning this, what are you up to?" Remus looked shocked at him.

"Of course I have been planning this, do you take me for a fool? James can get as many girlfriends as he likes, but a girl like Lilly isn't something you play with."

"That's right, and you can not play her into his arms."

"No, but Tom can, and knowing the Ravenclaws right he will."

"What do you stand to gain from that? I see two possibilities. You are sick and tired of a lovesick James, or you want James to break her heart so you can have a go." It wasn't difficult to see that Remus didn't like that his best friend pulling the threads of his Lilly's lovelife.

"If I wanted Lilly for myself I wouldn't tell you, that's for sure. I don't know why I'm doing this, on one hand James has been a mess, and I must also say that he hasn't been treating Lilly as he should. I'm afraid James will not only break, but smash her heart. Lilly is great, I see why James has fallen for her, and I know why you two are so close. So one thing is for sure, Tom isn't doing her justice, neither when it comes to romance nor intellect."

"A very good defence. I don't know if I believe you, but then it is truly none of my business. But I would put money on her getting together with James at some point." Remus leaned back in his half broken chair.

"Do you think it will be tonight if Tom plays his cards badly enough?" Sirius looked out to see if anybody was outside, no one yet.

"I can't answer that. I would make up my mind based on what Lilly has told me so I can't tell you what I think."

"That's not true, you can have an opinion anyway."

"I give Tom and Lilly another month, and James and Lilly will get together within the next ten years." Remus smiled at Sirius' shocked face.

"Ten years! You think I have to live with this miserable James for ten years?"

"Maybe."

"Let's hope you are wrong. Let's hope she can date an immature James, and that if anyone gets their hart broken it will be James, he could need it."

"So could you," Remus looked at his watch. "They should be here soon, can you see them?"

"The longer it takes them, the better. They might have called it off, maybe the Ravenclaws didn't dare." Sirius looked out again.

"He would have told us by now."

"They are coming, it is time to haunt this house."

A/N: I know it has been ages since I updated last, I'm sorry about that. But the closer I get to the end the longer it takes to write the right things. I will be much quicker with the next chapter, I just have to finish it first. But while you are waiting; please, please, pretty please review.


	12. A date

A/N: here is finally chapter 12. (I think) There is two more chapters to come. Hope you like it. Enjoy and please review.

12. A date 

Tom was not in a good mood as they stood outside the Shrieking Shack, he had to pay for one round of drinks after loosing a bet to James.

"I told you not to bet against him." Lilly looked over at James, he winked at her.

"I have never heard anything about ghosts in Shrieking Shack except during full moon."

"Well now you have." James said smiling, Alex was clinging to his arm.

"If it is this bad today, imagine how it was yesterday." A truly scared Alex said. Lilly couldn't help laughing, James looked surprised at her. "What's up with you, aren't you afraid of anything, or are you just mad?" Lilly could see that her friendship with Alex was hanging by a thin thread.

"I'm afraid of many things, but not dead people that don't leave their house."

"Gryffindors" Tom mumbled under his breath.

"Can we get out of here? _I_ think it is scary." Alex looked at James.

"Sure, coming Lill?" Lilly looked happier by the minute, Tom didn't. This was really not going his way.

"Of course." James wasn't sure what had made Lilly so happy, seeing Alex scared, Tom loosing the bet because he didn't listen to her, or getting help with detention. Properly a mix, but it was good to se her happy.

As they walked the short distance over to The Three Broomsticks no one said anything. Tom kept Lilly close just looking miserable. Alex sent Lilly ugly looks every three seconds. All except the happy-Lilly part James had been expecting something like this. Lilly on the other hand had not expected this, James was a lot subtler than she had expected. He was trying to push Tom over some kind of edge, but she'd been expecting that. As they walked into The Three Broomsticks she could feel how cold it really was outside.

"I just have to powder my nose." Alex said, clearly wanting Lilly to join her.

"If Tom goes to get something to drink, Lill and I'll find a table." James said.

"Sounds good." Lilly said, grabbing James arm and dragging him towards a table in the corner.

"Why the rush?" James asked as he sat down opposite her.

"You have really made Tom angry." James smiled.

"It wasn't my fault he didn't listen to you. Alex isn't in the best of moods either." He rubbed his leg against hers; she looked into his eyes.

"Are you playing footsie with me?" he looked over at Tom making sure he wasn't looking before he put his hand on hers.

"No," he smiled, "I'm just flirting with you." He tried to look innocent.

"Do you think it's working?" she looked over her shoulder towards the bar were Tom was standing.

"Well, you aren't looking to see if he comes soon so I'll leave you alone." She smiled.

"Even if I am growing tired of Tom, what makes you think I want you? How do you know I don't like Sirius? He did put this date together, didn't he?" James nodded. "And he has been trying to play you up against Tom, hasn't he?" He nodded again. "How do you then know Sirius isn't trying to get me for himself?" She smiled.

"I don't, but I trust him and hope he would have told me if that was the case."

"Good for you, trust him." She smiled in a way that made James wondered if she was telling the truth.

"To bad you didn't get scared of Shrieking Shack, Sirius and Remus will be disappointed."

"They have scared me worse a lot of times than they did tonight. But Alex was really scared, and Tom wasn't untouched either." James pulled his hand away, she looked over her shoulder, and Tom was on his way over. As Tom sat down next to her James said

"So it is Sirius then?"

"Of course it is Sirius." Lilly didn't have a clue what he was talking about, but she could just as well play along.

"What about Sirius?" Tom asked.

"I just asked Lilly who she would date if she had to date a Gryffindor." She kicked him under the table. He smiled, the look on Tom's face was priceless.

"James!"

"What?" She shook her head.

"You are impossible." She felt James stroke her leg as she took her glass. Their eyes met and he winked at her.

"Sorry I was so long, what have you been talking about?" Alex sat down next to James.

"If Lilly had to date a Gryffindor she would date Sirius." Tom said in an irritated voice.

"Have to settle for second best when the best is taken." Lilly coughed into her glass.

"You see Alex," she put down her glass, "I never settle for second best." She looked from James to Tom who kissed her. As she turned her head again he kissed her neck. She could see that James was looking away from them. It was kind of cute, maybe he had feelings for her, not his normal nonsense.

"No, you always seam to want things your way." Alex looked at her inn a funny way.

"So does James, nobody seams to care about that."

"No fighting, remember?" James eyes met hers.

"No fighting with you, wasn't that the deal."

"New deal, no fighting." She smiled at him.

"And what's in it for me?"

"We'll discuss that in private later." James said in a sweet voice. "So Alex, what are you doing for Christmas?" James looked over at her.

"Going home to my family as always I guess, you too Tom?" She looked over at Tom.

"No Christmas without family." Tom said smiling, James looked at Lilly.

"How about you Lill?" She met James' eyes.

"Staying in school, told them this summer so they haven't bothered to ask me to come home. Remus might be staying with me, he says he can't handle all the relatives."

"Maybe you should join me and Sirius at my place?"

"I've gotten used to the school during Christmas, it actuary nice. But thank you for the invite."

"I thought you had been fighting all your lives?" Tom looked at James.

"We have, but still we look out for each other."

"Isn't he sweet?" Lilly asked Alex.

"Almost a bit too sweet. He hasn't invited me home for Christmas."

"But you have a family to go home to, Lilly isn't that lucky." James looked firmly at Alex, he felt Lilly's leg against his for a second. He looked surprised up at her.

"You know I can look out for my self, James."

"I know you can do anything yourself, but it doesn't hurt to help, does it?" He had that sweet voice again. Tom kissed her neck, James was much better at it then Tom, Tom was rougher.

"Are you two flirting or what?" Alex looked at James and Lilly. "I don't know what you call it in Gryffindor, but in Ravenclaw we call it flirting." Lilly burst out in laughter.

"We aren't flirting, it's just friendly talk." James said. "You are a bit too careful in Ravenclaw." Alex looked up at Tom.

"Tom, you should stop that or else you leave a mark." It took Lilly a second before she connected what Alex said to what James had told her earlier.

"Stop it Tom." She pushed him away. "What are you trying to do?"

"I'm just trying to be nice to your neck."

"Bad answer." James said in a low voice.

"Were you trying to leave a mark?"

"Well… kind of…" Lilly was furious.

"Were you trying to mark me?"

"How do you know about that, that's a guy thing." Tom looked at James.

"Don't you know I'm not a thing? I'm not something you own that you can mark. Couldn't you just trust me when it comes to James? Couldn't you just deal with the fact that James and Remus had just as much right to be with me when I was sick as you had. And Alex, could you stop showing off James like he was some kind of prize, he's just a boy." She drew her breath and looked at James "this date is officially over," she got up and looked at Tom. "And so is this relationship." She turned and walked out, right now she didn't want to se Tom ever again.

It took James a moment to realise what she had done, she had broken up with Tom. He had to go after her, not to start the relationship he wanted, but just to tell her that all boys aren't creeps. She would kill him for trying to do anything else. He got up.

"Sorry Alex, I have to go after her. You and Tom can find your way home."

"Sure, will I see you in the morning then?" Alex looked up at him.

"We'll see in the morning." James almost ran out, he had to find her. Standing just outside the door he could see her. She was just standing there a good bit away. He walked quickly, almost jogging over to her. She was standing with her back to him, he put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you ok, Lill?" She turned and looked at him. "The way you broke up and…"

"James, shut up and kiss me." He was stunned.

"What?" She put an arm around his neck and pulled him towards her.

"Kiss me," she whispered and he did.

A/N: hope you liked this and I hope everyone will take a minute to review my story. I love reviews :D


	13. Shut up and kiss me

**Shut up and kiss me**

A/N: The last real chapter, one end chapter is coming soon. It took me many years to write this, but it's finally close to finished. I hope you like it, and I hope you'll drop me a review.

She headed back towards the school. She was so angry. Mostly because Tom had tried to own her, but also because James was right, and very sweet. She had half expected him to storm off with her, but he hadn't. She was just alone in the snow. What had possessed her to tell Alex James was just another boy? She heard quick footsteps in the snow behind her. It could be Tom coming to apologise, or James coming to comfort her. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and hoped it was James.

"Are you ok Lill?" It was James, she was relieved as she turned to face him. "The way you broke up and…" She could see it in his eyes, just like last night, he was trying to save what ever connection they had and he was so cute.

"James, Shut up and kiss me." She thought she sounded like a cheap romance novel.

"What?" He looked completely stunned. She put an arm around his neck and pulled him down to her face before she whispered.

"Kiss me." He did. It was short, tender, like none of them really realised what had happened. For a moment words were unnecessary, she rested her head against his neck as he pulled her closer. She was shaking slightly.

"Are you cold?" he said, rubbing her back to keep her warm.

"No." She pulled back slightly, tilting her head revealing her neck. "Think it will leave a mark?" He ran a finger over it, and kissed it.

"Looks like it." He cupped her chin with his hand. "Not the worst thing that can happen." She smiled and looked down.

"Let's get out of here." She said, she didn't want to meet Tom right now. She took his hand as he started walking away from the school. "Where are we going?"

"If it's ok, I'd like to show you something before we head back."

"Sure, I don't want to stumble into Tom just yet." James had almost forgotten what had just happened. These last days had been playing up to this, not the break-up, but their first real kiss and what he was about to show her.

"He can't be happy, can he?" He led her away from the centre of the village and all the places the students normally went.

"God, think about the rumours." She ran her fingers through her hair.

"They won't be a problem Lill, we'll find something else for them to talk about."

"James…" She shook her head.

"Ok, that's fair." He just realised he was rushing, he shouldn't mess it up by going too fast. "I haven't asked where this leaves us, apart from single."

"Let's talk about it tomorrow, ok?"

"This isn't another of your insane moments, is it?" She laughed.

"No, I'm completely sane. Things are just happening so fast." They walked on a small path leading between some houses.

"Well, I wanted to show this to you." He walked closer to the fountain surrounded by old trees. The water was still running, even in this cold. "They say that if you throw a coin into the water and make a wish it will come true." Lilly sat on the edge and ran her fingers through the water, it was warm.

"It's beautiful." He sat down next to her.

"My father took my mom here on their first date." She looked down, and he couldn't be sure but it looked like she was blushing.

"I bet you take all the girls here." He took her slightly wet hand.

"No, just you." She smiled at him and kissed him. "Want to make a wish?" He pulled a coin out of his pocket.

"I don't know what to wish for." Her green eyes sparkled in the moonlight as she looked up at him.

"I know what to wish for." He cupped her chin and kissed her.

"You shouldn't try to take away my free will by magic."

"I thought you didn't believe in things like this?"

"I don't…"

"Then there is no problem." He said as he dropped the coin into the water. She shook her head as she got up.

"We should be getting back." She stood there waiting for him to come with her.

"I guess you are right, it's late anyway." He took her hand, and she tangled her fingers in with his. "I guess we'll have a thing or two to deal with tomorrow…" she pulled him down and kissed him again.

"I think lots of things are going to happen tomorrow…" They started walking towards the school. "I guess we'll have to tell Sirius and Remus when we get back." James smiled and nodded before he pulled her closer as they were walking.

A/N: I love reviews, good or bad, so please review. And now that I have finished this one I'm very open if anyone wants to drop me a story idea.


End file.
